Bullied by the 5

Low Self Esteem

Singing frees my soul. I feel like I'm actually good at something. Yes I may do well in school, buts that all I really have going for me. I'm hideous, I'm fat, I'm all around ugly. Arielle and Nathan really don't seem to understand, how this bullying things works. To be honest I'd rather just be left alone, I don't want any friends. I mean I don't even deserve any. All my problems in life are gone when I sing. Like with ballet they are gone as well but only because they are covered with me being concerned if my feet are pointed, and dancing makes me feel very fat I'm constantly looking in a mirror and ugh it's just bad. My whole life is bad. But in this moment that I'm singing, all these problems don't exist. They seem like a simple fragment of my imagination. After what seemed to be a life time to me I finished singing the song. I turned around and everyone looked shocked. I started to get really nervous, I never really sing for anyone. And I couldn't tell if they were impressed or disappointed so I just looked at them. Safaa started screaming encore. Doniya and Waliyha said that's the best singing they've ever heard. Zayn just started at me. It kinda felt good to not hear an insult come out. I thanked them. And Zayn and I got called in by his mom. She asked me if I'd be willing to come over after schools and help Zayn starting tomorrow. My aunt gave me a "please I'm begging you" look so I said yes. She said she'd give me 5 dollars a day. I told her money was not necessary but she insisted. After she hugged me and told me I was good to go. So Zayn and I, joined His sister in watching Kevin Hart stand up. We didn't say anything the whole entire time. About 2 hours later we headed home. Tomorrow after school Zayn is going to give me a ride to his house. Which I'm not excited for at all. When I got home all I could do was cry. I felt so disgusting, I opened a drawer and pulled out my blade. Then I hopped in my shower, and cut away. By the time I was done I'd cut really deep, I cried the whole entire time. When I had washed it off I got out and went to my scale to weigh myself. I look down at the number and saw 125. I got dressed in my pjs, set my alarm for 7. And cried myself to sleep