Furthest Thing

E P I L O G U E

EPILOGUE

“Even though I walk through the valley, of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me” –Psalms 23:4

            I layed on Shayne’s chest clung onto him not wanting him to let go. It’s been a week since Addison and I were discharged from the hospital and things haven’t been good. I was in good spirits that Addison was alive, but the miscarriage was slowly starting to hit me.

            I’d always watch shows with girls crying because they had a miscarriage and think they were being dramatic, especially if the pregnancy was hardly in the first trimester. But now I understand the feeling. It hurts to know that I almost brought another life into this world, but the pregnancy was cut short. Just thinking about how important that baby would’ve became to me just hurts to the core.

            After I told Addison that I was no longer having a baby she was completely devastated and continued to ask how we could bring the baby back. But of course we couldn’t do that. She’s been sleep for awhile because of the pain medication she’s doped up on all the time. I hate to see her so tired, but as long as she’s not hurting then its fine with me.

            I haven’t’ talked to my mother since she came to the hospital and I don’t think I will anytime soon. I let her know that I was over the situation and that eventually we’ll talk, but just not right now. I haven’t been up for much talking and granting my wish, everyone was okay with it.

            Shayne has been by my side and hasn’t left since we got back from the hospital. But I know eventually he’ll have to leave, but I just don’t want him to. If I’m not sleeping, then I’m taking care of Addison, and if I’m not doing that, I’m layed on Shayne trying to calm myself.

            Shayne started to shift as I layed on him making me look up. He looked like he wanted to get up, but couldn’t because I was trapping him. I let go a little and he took the opening to get up. I watched as he went into the bathroom and then came out fully dressed.

            “Where are you going?” I crocked. I’ve been silently crying for a long time putting strain on my voice. I didn’t even sound the same.

            He cleared his throat and sighed, “I um… Trina got her first doctors appointment today and she said she needs me to take her,”

            I wrapped the white sheet around my naked body and sat up. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the fact that Trina and Shayne are about to share a child while I just lost one. He’s gonna start doing things for her that I wish he would’ve done for me. It’s hard to face and it makes me wanna cry even more.

            “I’m not goin’ cause I want to… I’m goin’ cause her cars in the shop and she needs me to take her,” He explained coming over to me, “I’ll be back as soon as I can… I promise,”

            He leaned over to kiss me but I turned my head before his lips could come in contact with my forehead, “Go,” I mumbled while looking elsewhere.