Falling - kiribaku

Questioning

(Tw: eating disorder will be mentioned in this chapter)

Kirishima

He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to throw himself into an ocean right now, breaking the promise of not dying that he had made.

He was currently in class and the voices could not shut up for just one more damn period. They kept nagging at him and he was pretty sure he was about to lose it. It is now the fifth day of school, he and the "bakusquad" as Mina called it, much to Bakugo's displeasure, had been hanging out daily. They're not your real friends, you never even had any before so what makes you think you should have them now? They probably just feel bad that you have nobody. Don't get your hopes up, once they get tired of you, you're back at square one. A loser with nobody, an insecure freak, with no chance of ever being a real hero.

He couldn't ignore his "friend's" worried glances, even earning one from the explosive boy. It made him feel bad. How dare I worry them? It's not their fault I can't handle myself. I need to stop being a burden. They don't deserve to feel this way. So putting on a fake smile, he beamed at the heads that were turned his way.

As the bell rang for lunch, he quickly packed up his things and informed his friends that he had to use the restroom and would meet them in the cafeteria. They all nodded skeptically and made their way towards the said area. Bakugo eyes lingered on him for a sec for hesitantly making his way off as well.

Good. Because Kirishima wasn't sure how much longer he could fake it. His breathing was already starting to quicken and he could feel the blood rushing to his head. God dammit! Why now? I can't even deal with little stress, how much more pathetic could I get.

He bursts into the restroom and locks himself in a stall. He could feel the tears stinging his eyes as they overflow and dripped down his reddening face. Trying to keep his breathing steady, he attempted to count and calm down.

He doesn't know why he gets these random waves of emotions. Does this happen to everyone? Is this a common issue among teens his age? He couldn't know for sure. He always had an average life, minus the fact that he was bullied in middle school but his tormentor transferred schools at the last semester of eighth grade. It was only weeks after his bully had left that he attempted to end it, but it's not like kids don't get bullied all the time. As sad as it is, it's common for students to be picked on, right? So why did it hurt so bad, even after the source of pain left?

He hated to admit it, but what if being bullied is what started all these unpleasant thoughts? He had never thought about it before, he assumed it was his own fault that he was insecure. But that's because it was. It is my fault. Just because I got bullied doesn't mean I get to play victim. No. Kirishima was not about to pin his mental issues on his middle school bully. It wasn't right. So what if he hit him, teased him, and humiliated him constantly? He had to be a man, and being a man is accepting your own mistakes.

He preferred to see the best in others. Ironic, considering he thinks the worst of himself. But he couldn't bring himself to ever blame his bully. His just accepted his faults as his own. But that's just because that's the kind of guy Kirishima is. Despite the fact that his bully did jumpstart most the negative thoughts the redhead had, Kirishima wouldn't ever blame him, and would say it's his own fault. He was too caring for his own good.

He hadn't even realized he was still breathing heavy, in fact he was almost choking from being too much in thought to focus on his breathing pattern. He had also been yanking his own hair, causing most the gel to crack. Goddammit.