America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 3)

Episode 9: The Chicago Crap and Carp Canal

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"The U.S. Supreme Court is now in session for the case of Missouri v. Illinois (1906)," Washington D.C. announced behind the bench in her judicial robes.

"The plaintiff is ready, Your Honor," said Missouri from her side of the court.

"The defense is also ready, Your Honor," said Illinois from his side of the court.

Confirming both sides were ready to go, D.C. continued, "Okay. We'll now begin with the plaintiff." She turned to her and asked, "The first question, what are the allegations you've brought against the defendant?"

Adjusting her glasses, Missouri explained calmly, "THE DEFENDANT IS DUMPING CRAP INTO THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER!"

"Objection!" Illinois shouted. "That statement isn't exactly true!"

"Aha!" She pointed at him. "So, you admit there's some truth to my statement? That means you're admitting your guilt!"

"Objection! To clarify my earlier statement, I'm suggesting your initial statement is vague."

"The court agrees," D.C. interjected. "Ms. Missouri, you need to describe the allegations against the defendant in detail, so the court can assess the case clearly."

"I understand, Your Honor..." She quickly composed herself, clearing her throat. "The defendant has been dumping sewage into an artificial canal called the Chicago Sanitary and Ship Canal (C.S.S.C.). The canal connects Lake Michigan to the Des Plaines River—a tributary of the Illinois River which empties into the Mississippi River. I fear the sewage he has dumped into the C.S.S.C. will pollute other rivers of the Mississippi River System such as the St. Louis River, rendering the water unfit for drinking and productive of typhoid fever and other diseases. Hence, I ask the court to consider approving the canal's closure for causing a public nuisance."

"I see. Do you have any evidence or any witnesses to back up your allegations?" 

"Uh..." Sweat trickled down the corners of her forehead. "Uh, no... I rest my case..." She quietly sat down in her chair, refusing to glance at the defendant's smug face.

"Okay..." D.C. looked to her right. "The defendant may now make their case."

"Thank you, Your Honor." Illinois stood up from his desk.

"Your first question, is it true you've been dumping sewage into the C.S.S.C.?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Very well. Are there reasons you've been dumping sewage into the C.S.S.C.?"

"Yes, Your Honor." He nodded, presenting documents to the judge. "May I read from these pages to defend my reasons?"

"Yes. The Court accepts them as evidence."

Putting on his reading glasses, Illinois proceeded to summarize what was written on the documents. "Evidence #1: According to the U.S. Census, the City of Chicago has grown exponentially since the Great Chicago Fire. In 1880, seven years before planning began on the C.S.S.C., there were approximately 500,000 residents in Chicago—the fourth-largest U.S. city at the time. That number would more than double within a decade. By 1890, Chicago had grown to become the second-largest U.S. city behind New York City." He briefly paused to allow the judge to absorb this information. "Being a large city growing exponentially in population, Chicago needed to urbanize; it needed to improve its infrastructure to accommodate a huge population." He flipped to another document in his hands.