America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 3)

Episode 28: Sweetness & Lightning

Out of the 32 teams in the National Hockey League (NHL), there are only 7 teams based in Canada as of 2021. The chances of a Canada-based team heading to and winning the Stanley Cup Finals are slim. Unfortunately, those odds become slimmer when considering the teams' performances and operations as of lately. To put it mildly, their teams are either utter garbage, not good enough against stronger competition, or simply unlucky. It's a darn shame for the homeland of hockey. Lord Stanley's Cup hasn't made its home on Canadian soil since 1993. Various teams have gotten far and very close to bringing the Cup back to Canada. Sadly, their efforts are usually not enough to overcome the above-average U.S.-based team. Half of Canada can only watch, wish, and wait for what seems like a pipe dream.

But this year is different!

Hopes remain high for fans of the Montreal Canadiens. The Habs have finished fourth in the North Divison, barely making playoffs with a 24–21–11 record. Most people shrugged off what they perceived to be the weakest division in the NHL. The Habs are no exception. After being down 3–1 against the Toronto Maple Leafs in the first round, the Canadiens seem like they're already looking forward to next season. But suddenly, the Canadiens find the motivation to make a comeback and beat the Running Choke Leafs in game seven. They'll go on to sweep the Winnipeg Jets in four games to become champions of their division. Despite their impressive performance thus far, there remain doubters of their success. A lot of people expect the Vegas Golden Knights to dominate the Montreal Canadiens relatively easily in the semifinals. To everyone's surprise, the Habs are up 3–2 in the series.

Right now, it's game six heading into overtime. The Canadiens are playing on home ice in front of a limited attendance of 3,500 people. More than 10,000 fans are watching them on the big screens outside the Bell Centre. And lots more of them are watching around the world. They're all anticipating the goal to break the 2–2 tie. If the Knights score the goal, they'll keep this series alive and take game seven to their home ice at T-Mobile Arena. Though they've won game five and put the Knights in a corner, the Habs really need to win game six and put an end to this hard-fought matchup. If they can achieve this goal today, they can achieve the greater goal of entering the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time since 1993. Doing so will no doubt bring joy to most Canadians—a great emphasis on most Canadians.

Ontario stares intensely at the hockey game on TV, praying deep down he won't have to hear any more bragging from his snobby French neighbor after what happened to the Leafs. "Come on, Knights. You better win this. As much as I want the Stanely Cup to come back to Canada, I genuinely can't stand those stupid Habs—"

"The Montreal Canadiens are heading to the Stanley Cup Finals!" the announcer exclaims after the Habs score a goal within 1 minute and 39 seconds of overtime to win the series 4–2.

"Fuuuck!" He punches the air. "No! No! No! I'm sorry, Canada, but I refuse to root for the stinkin' Habs! They already have 24 championships! They don't need another one!" He shakes his head at the Habs' chaotic celebration on TV.

"Wooooo! Le Canadiens are going to the Stanley Cup Finals!" Quebec and her citizens celebrate the win on her birthday. "Soon, the beautiful Lord Stanley will be back in the home of hockey where it rightfully belongs! The Canadiens will compete valiantly to bring victory and glory to all of Canada—except for Toronto because the Leafs fucking suck! Honhonhon!"

"Shut your tourtière-guzzling gob!" Ontario huffs in bemusement. "Fuck the Habs! I hope they lose terribly to whoever they're facing in the finals!"

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Up until this point, the Canadiens seem destined for greatness. They're underdogs, but they have the capacity to win it all. If they succeed, it'll make an excellent Cinderella story that'll forever be cherished by fans. They appear ready to face their final challenge until midnight strikes. The magic wanes the moment they hit the ice as reality hits them both away and at home. This team of Canadiens may look bright and determined to win, but they're completely outmatched against the defending champions. As the saying goes, the Tampa Bay Lightning strike twice to become champions of the Stanley Cup once again.