America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 3)

Episode 48: The Enormous Potato

'Twas a special night at World Academy W, when all the students and the teachers were seated in the auditorium, patiently waiting for the start of the stage play.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." Washington D.C. appeared in the spotlight in front of the closed crimson-colored curtains on stage. "We've all heard of Santa Claus, Frosty the Snowman, the Grinch who stole Christmas, and other tales relevant to the winter holidays. They're nothing new to most of us, having been told countless times for many decades across various mediums. We know them like the back of our hands. With that said, I ask everyone here: Have they heard the story of The Enormous Potato?" She observed the murmurs of a confused audience.

"Potato? Potato? Potato? Potato?"

"What kind of story involves an enormous potato?"

"I think I heard something similar called The Gigantic Turnip."

"It doesn't sound like a Christmassy story."

"I like potatoes."

D.C. sighed, "This was Idaho's idea in case anyone is wondering."

"Ah, that makes sense." A few people in the audience understood and nodded their heads.

"Without further ado," she adjusted her glasses, "50 States Productions presents The Enormous Potato." The curtains drew open as she walked off the stage, setting the story into motion.

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There once was a farmer who had an eye. It wasn't like your eye or my eye. It was a potato eye.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Wyoming stood in the middle of the stage, dressed in blue denim overalls. He scratched his head at the tiny bud in his hand.

"You're a farmer, dumbass!" shouted a voice from backstage, getting a chuckle out of the surprised audience. "What do you think you should be doing with that potato eye? Stick it in your eye socket?"

"I guess I'll plant it in the soil of my farm and see what it becomes," Wyoming grumbled, pretending not to hear those snarky comments from earlier.

The farmer proceeded to plant the potato eye in the wooden floorboards of the stage. The moment he watered it with an empty watering can, an enormous leafy stem instantly shot up through the trap door from below the stage.

Wyoming leaped back in surprise and exclaimed dramatically, "What on Earth?!"

The potato had grown into a potato plant. Over a single winter month, the farmer watched the potato on his farm. It grew bigger and bigger and bigger. It grew fat. It grew enormous. It grew until Idaho dressed as the enormous potato rose halfway from below the stage. It was the biggest potato in the world. The farmer couldn't believe his eyes.

"Haha! Praise me—the Enormous Potato!" Idaho proclaimed with pride, getting a laugh from the audience.

"I think it's about time to pull it out," Wyoming scowled at the 'potato' he grew.

So the farmer grabbed the potato by the leafy stem attached to Idaho's back. He pulled and pulled again. But the potato wouldn't come out of the ground.

Idaho shook his head, clicking his tongue in disapproval. "How can you call yourself a farmer? You can't even pull a single potato out of the ground. Pathetic."

"I grew you, didn't I?" Wyoming glared. "You should be thanking me."

"Thank you for being a weak-ass idiot."

"That's not what I meant."

"Fuck you. I'll thank you properly when you pull me out properly."

Still unable to pull out the potato, the farmer called his wife. "Wife! Yoo-hoo! Wife!"