America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 3)

Episode 37: Love it or Hate it

It's no secret America considers himself to be the strongest in the world. Be that as it may, the number one hero of freedom and justice isn't totally invincible. Like Superman, he's vulnerable when exposed to kryptonite. Unfortunately, his kryptonite comes in 238 varieties, one of which is in the form of...

"Ew... How can you eat that nasty stuff?"

"You either love it or hate it," England says casually while applying Marmite to his scone, paying no heed to the American's excessive whining.

"More like hate it or burn it." America pouts, sitting afar to avoid the stench of death.

"It's healthier than slapping a slab of peanut butter and marshmallow creme on bread."

"Hey! I have you know this fluffernutter has banana slices in it! Potassium, bitch!" He takes a huge bite of his sandwich.

"Oi! What's with all this ruckus?" Australia comes into the picture, interrupting the sibling squabble.

"England has no tastebuds!"

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!"

"Dude, you eat spotted dick!"

"You've made deep-fried butter a thing that exists for goodness sake!"

Australia draws out a long awkward whistle. "Right, mates..."

America groans, "Seriously, dude. Out of all the things you could've used for a spread, I don't see why you choose to use tar-in-a-jar."

"It isn't tar-in-a-jar! It's Marmite, and it's bloody delicious!" England huffs. "If it was a person, it would be my best mate."

"I say the same thing for Vegemite!" Australia grins.

"You two disgust me..."

"Come on, Yank! Give it a chance!" Australia opens up a jar of Vegemite, holding it up close to America's horrified face.

"AAAAAH! Get it away from me!" He punches the jar away.

"Do you want to try Marmite instead?" England taunts him, creepily offering a spoonful of Marmite.

"NOOOOO!" America screams, running away. "I'm American! I only eat American food, not shit from a toilet!"

"There he goes!" Australia laughs.

"Bloody wanker..." England grumbles, watching the self-proclaimed hero flee at the sight of a smelly food spread.

"Do you think he'll be more open to trying my Marmite?" New Zealand quietly suggests.

☆☆☆☆☆

Back in the District of Columbia, the States Annual Meeting begins as usual with name-calling, petty bickering, and lots of hurting.

"Dumbass Republicunt! Paris Hilton clone!" California and Texas exchange insults.

"Language, people!" Utah continues to deride the use of profanity in a professional environment.

"Oye, Alabama! Quit picking on Mississippi!" Louisiana reprimands her fellow Southerner.

 "I'm just telling the truth!"

"Waaaaah! I don't like being called fat and stupid!" Mississippi wails loudly.

"Pathetic poor people problems, am I right?" Connecticut snickers with Massachusetts.

"Can we please settle down and get along?" Minnesota politely asks the chaotic room.

"Never!" Michigan roars with a wrench gripped tightly in her hand. "The fight of the century is about to begin! Say your prayers, Fuckeye! I'm taking you down!"