America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 3)

Episode 30: Tokyo 2020

In June 2016, the International Olympics Committee (IOC) held a session in Rio de Janeiro to discuss the addition of new sports to the official program.

"For the Summer Olympics to remain relevant in the modern era, we need sports that engage the interests of modern audiences. To put it simply, we need sports that are youthful, urbane, and inclusive," Germany addressed the committee. "Without further delay, let's begin the session." He cleared his throat. "As a bowling enthusiast, I recommend—"

The doors of the conference swiftly swung open.

"Sup, dudes!" America shouted as he rolled into place on a skateboard with fast food in hand. "It took me way longer than it should have to order from McDonald's. I totally forgot the people here don't speak Spanish. My bad." He stopped rolling and picked up his skateboard. "Now that the hero's here, we can talk about adding new sports to the Olympics. Am I right or what?"

'Is he seriously...' Most of the nations quietly expressed their utter disdain and embarrassment toward the loud American.

"America!" Germany yelled, unable to hold back his annoyance for tardy and disruptive individuals. "Your timing is inexcusable, and your casual approach to today's session is nothing less than inappropriate! And for Heaven's sake, don't bring fast food to the meeting!"

"Sorry, German dude. I'll remember not to do those things next time." He slurped his soft drink as he sat down in a seat. "Anyway, what were you saying about bowling?"

Despite his immense disappointment, Germany didn't want to waste any more of everyone's time, returning to the main discussion on the table. "Before you interrupted me, I was about to recommend bowling for the Olympics official program. The sport has a long history tracing back to Ancient Egypt and the Roman Empire. Today, it's played by millions of people around the world no matter their age or gender, growing more popular with each passing year." He proudly asserted, "No doubt about it, bowling is what we need for the Olympics. It's youthful, urbane, and inclusive."

"But it's completely boring," Singapore complained. "No offense toward the sport. I like bowling, but there's a big difference between bowling for recreation and bowling for sport. Recreational bowling is popular because it's casual and fun to play with friends and family. The same can't be said for competitive bowling. It isn't very exciting, and it certainly won't attract young people to watch it."

"No kidding," America remarked. "Bowling tournaments aren't popular compared to, say, basketball or gymnastics. It won't be great for TV ratings. That's for sure."

"I-I suppose you're both right..." Germany sighed in defeat. "What sport do you suggest will go well with audiences then?"

He smirked, "Why, it's kinda obvious. A sport that's youthful, urbane, and inclusive to bitches and bros and nonbinary hoes—that's like the perfect definition for skateboarding. The sport has a cool appeal that'll have no problem attracting attention. Sounds good, yeah?"

"I see your point," he muttered, "but what stopped us from including skateboarding in this year's Olympics were protests from some members of the skateboarding community."

"Yeah, I totally get the backlash about keeping skateboarding free from authority and separate from mainstream culture. But like c'mon, dude, it's the Olympics. It'll be pretty wack to leave it out when we have table tennis on the official program."

"Don't treat ping-pong so facetiously, Meiguo (America)," China pouted. "It takes a lot of skill and precision your small mind can never comprehend."

"Whatever, dude. I still stand by what I said. Skateboarding is a cool sport that deserves its place at the Olympics."

"On the topic of boardsports," Australia interposed in the discussion, "I think it'll be great if we include surfing on the program. It's a sport most people associate with summer. It's invigorating, and a lot of young people are getting into it these days. It'll be terrific to see the best surfers compete and perform some gnarly stunts on the world stage, aye."