America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 3)

Episode 3: Champa Bay

To quote Missouri in Episode 20 of 50☆Stars (Vol. 2):

"Thank you, Florida! You may suck at football, but I think you're the best!"

Little did she know this was all going accordingly to Florida's ultimate plan of winning her own Super Bowl. Back then, it seemed far-fetched. But slowly, the pieces began to fall into place. There was no miracle for Miami, however, there was a map to a treasure trove in Tampa. It seemed too much of a coincidence. Many dissenters wanted the team of washed-up pirates and irredeemable scallywags to sink than swim. Alas, matey, they underestimated the legendary immortal Captain Tom Brady and his tenacious crew. Without struggle, the Buccaneers plundered the defending Chiefs' kingdom while the opposing world watched in boredom and displeasure. 

"Hooray! Hooray! Champa Bay! Champa Bay! Hip-hip-hooray!" Florida and a maskless flock of football fans danced in the night around the streets of Tampa, celebrating the Buccaneer's victory in Super Bowl LV (55).

Being one of the reasonable people to wear a mask during a pandemic, Missouri attempted to get Florida's attention, shouting over the crowd, "Put on a mask, moron!"

Of course, Florida being Florida, she failed to listen. "Fuck yeah! I won the Super Bowl! Woooo!" She and the drunken masses chugged bottles of beer, chanting loudly, "Brady! Brady! Brady!"

Missouri groaned, "Screw her. She can have this victory and the coronavirus." She left gloomily to catch a flight back home.

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"I miss Brady..." Massachusetts lamented.

"We know," grumbled the rest of the states on the Zoom call, still giving their disappointing reactions in the aftermath of the Super Bowl.

He let out another sigh, "To think I could've gotten another Super Bowl victory if Brady stayed in Boston."

"If that happened, I would stop watching the NFL," Ohio complained.

"Like college football is any better to watch."

"As much as I hate Alabama, it's better than watching a former Wolverine win all the time."

"I firmly disagree. Watching Brady is like watching Peyton Manning win."

"Are you high?" Colorado questioned ironically. "Dude, Peyton Manning was a class act. He won a few Super Bowls and retired with grace."

"Fine. I'll put it in another way. Watching Brady is like watching Michael Jordan. We're watching a legend still playing his best game like what we saw today."

"I wouldn't go that far to call this his best game," Illinois mumbled.

"He won the Super Bowl MVP!"

"Yeah, but this Super Bowl didn't feel competitive. It was like the Chiefs were beating themselves." 

"Totally." California yawned. "This Super Bowl was sad. It was almost as bad as Super Bowl LIII (53). Like, shit. I kept switching to a hockey game because it was totally one-sided. It was fucking boring."

"For some, it was like watching a greater evil overcoming another evil like it was a cakewalk..." Pennsylvania muttered, still salty to see a former Steelers player win a Super Bowl with another team.

Massachusetts huffed, "Whatever your opinion may be, it doesn't change the fact Brady won his seventh Super Bowl, and I'm happy for him."

~ Brady! ~

"Aside from the one-sided nature of this Super Bowl, I do have one complaint," Massachusetts added. "I'm in favor of banning Tampa and Los Angeles from sports." His statement snapped California out of her drowsiness.

"Are you shitting me? That's fucking stupid."

"You and Florida have been winning championships lately. It's time for someone else to win for a change."

"Oh my god. You poor baby. I'm totally sorry Boston sports hasn't given you a victory parade in the last two years," she said sarcastically.

"Like you're one to talk," he scoffed. "You basically have a monopoly on basketball championships."

"It's called winning, dad." She rolled her eyes.

New York grumbled, "I don't agree with Massachusetts's statement, however, I am sick of seeing a team from Tampa or Los Angeles win a championship lately. It's not as bad as watching the New England Patriots or the Boston Red Sox win a championship, but it's getting old."

"Yeah!" Ohio nodded. "I want the Cleveland Browns to win. Even better, I want the Cleveland Baseball Team to end their drought." His statement drew laughter from everyone, making him scowl. "H-Hey! Don't laugh! The Browns are good again, and the Cleveland Baseball Team shows promise!"

~ Hetalia! ~

¡Oye, oye, papi, give me OJ!
¡Oye, oye, mami, oye, oye, mami!
I cannot forget the taste of that
Key lime pie I ate so long ago!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
¡Oye, I'm Florida!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Looking closely, that's the Earth!
Or maybe, that's the Earth?
I'm the Sunshine State!

Ah, with just a brushstroke,
A wonderful world can be seen!
The gators have their own theme park!
I'm Florida!

☆☆☆☆☆

+ Super Bowl LV (55) took place at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida on February 7, 2020. Though the NFL treated it as a neutral site, the stadium was coincidentally the home stadium of one of the participating teams, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Despite home advantage, the Buccaneers were considered underdogs against the Kansas City Chiefs—the defending champions of the previous Super Bowl being led again by 25-year-old superstar quarterback Patrick Mahomes. But to the surprise (and disappointment) of some people, 43-year-old veteran quarterback Tom Brady led his team to victory, dominating the Chiefs with a final score of 31–9. Already considered the G.O.A.T. (Greatest of All-Time) of American football with six Super Bowl victories, Brady in his tenth Super Bowl appearance added more to his legacy by winning his seventh with a different team outside the New England Patriots. And so far, he had no plans to retire any time soon.

- Within a year, Tampa has seen all three of its major professional sports teams make championship appearances, two of which (the Tampa Bay Lightning in the NHL and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the NFL) have become champions. As such, the city has earned the moniker as a City of Champions alongside Los Angeles, dubbing itself "Champa Bay."

~

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