America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 3)

Episode 4: Vinegar Valentines

Valentine's Day is a celebration of love and romance. On this special day, people will do whatever they can to admit their feelings to someone they cherish. They'll confess via a love note as a secret admirer. They'll meticulously draft a sonnet to read out when the timing is appropriate. They'll sing a song from the heart for their sweetheart to feel loved. Something as simple as a piece of paper can convey the romantic sentiments of one person to another.

Although, there was a time when a piece of paper held ideals that contradicted the spirit of Valentine's Day. Then again, it was the Victorian era—the period that created and popularized valentines thanks to the growth of the printing press and a literate population. What was supposed to be a cute way of expressing affection became commercialized, broadening into ways that expressed all kinds of emotions, including resentment whether as a joke or as a serious matter. Receiving a card on Valentine's Day could mean one of two things. Either, it was a genuine valentine expressing love, or it was a vinegar valentine expressing hate.

England was quite familiar with the latter when he received a vinegar valentine the day before Valentine's Day from someone anonymous, however, he suspected who the sender might be.

British Cooking
Your food is as black as your heart.
It sends shivers down my back.
Every bite makes me want to barf.
I rather snort crack.

To add insult to injury, the gross caricature accompanying the card resembled the Englishman, albeit the teeth and the eyebrows were slightly exaggerated. As mentioned earlier, this was nothing new. England had a lot of enemies, including America whom he figured was responsible for sending this cheap card. He and his former colony still held mixed feelings toward each other, most recently and most notably for what happened during the U.S. Civil War. Though he was mature enough not to appear bothered by the insult toward his cooking, he secretly held a bit of glee for this was an opportunity to answer back with his biting remarks.

"Very well," England smirked, taking up a pen and notecard. "I accept the challenge."

☆☆☆☆☆

Back in the United States, New York received his vinegar valentine from New Jersey, reading it while enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning.

Robber Baron
You have more money in your steel vault
Than emotions in your cold heart.
You cannot earn the love of others
From acting like a greedy fart.

"Not bad. Better than last year's card," he muttered.

Ding-dong!

Checking the peephole, New York was baffled to see Ohio at the front door. "What do you want?" he grumbled, opening the door.

The Ohioan was taken aback by the New Yorker's frigid tone.  "U-Uh, hey! You're not too busy or any—"

"I asked what do you want."

"W-Well, if you don't mind, I need your help coming up with a vinegar valentine for Michigan."

"Why do you need my help? Can't you do it yourself?"

"Sure, but I kinda have writer's block. I'll pay you, so—"

"It'll cost you a penny."

"Okay..." He didn't argue and gave him a penny from his pocket.