America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 3)

Episode 16: American Gourmet

"Guys, this isn't good! I'm getting sued by Italy!" America announced to his states at an emergency meeting.

"On what grounds are you being sued?" New York questioned.

"Apparently, Italy thought the pizza and pasta I made was a violation against Italian cuisine." He shook his head in disbelief. "It's ridiculous! American pizza is just like Italian pizza but bigger and better! Same for pasta and everything else!" He bit into a large slice of pepperoni pizza he had been holding in his left hand. "Like, what's so bad about that?"

"Are you kidding me?" Missouri scowled, having a hard time believing this was a major problem that needed their involvement.

"Dude, I'm serious!" He nervously paced back and forth while chewing on his pizza. "In a couple of days, I'm expected to appear before the International Gourmet Court to defend myself. If the judge thinks putting extra cheese and sauce on pizza is a crime, I'll lose the freedom to make tasty food ever again!"

"They can do that?" Connecticut whispered to Massachusetts.

"In my honest opinion, I'm highly skeptical there's an international food court being taken seriously," he mumbled while reading through the international laws of gourmet cuisine. "Even if they do decide to rule against America, I doubt they have the power to prevent him from making pizza his way."

"This is fucking stupid," Rhode Island scoffed. "If I were in America's shoes, I tell Italy to mind his fucking business."

"Same but nicely," Iowa agreed.

"I can kinda see where he's coming from," New York grumbled, "however, it's supercilious as fuck demanding food be tailored to a strict set of standards."

"Their argument goes against American values," said Ohio.

Pennsylvania nodded. "I'm with you there."

"Yeah!" Michigan shouted defiantly. "Sorry, Mr. Italy, but I like my pizza extra thick with lots of pepperoni slices on top. That's how I am!"

"You said it!" Illinois slapped his hand on the table as he rose from his seat, smiling confidently, "America, I'm ready to help you prepare a super deep-as-fuck pizza loaded with lots of cheese and sauce to present as evidence to the court. Prove to the world the super cheesy and saucy taste of American pizza is delicious as fuck!"

"Personally, I'm not a huge fan of lots of cheese and sauce on my pizza, but you do you, dude," said California with a shrug.

"If that isn't enough, I can offer my assistance making some spaghetti and meatballs to go with that pizza," New Jersey smirked. "For sure, you'll win over the court."

America smiled, "Thanks, everyone. With your support, I'm confident this case will go my way."

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"Good news, everyone!" America emerged with France out of the International Gourmet Court, all laughs and smiles. "I'm not guilty! I can make pizza, pasta, and anything however I like!"

"Awesome!" All fifty states gathered around him, congratulating him on getting a not guilty verdict.

"It's truly a miracle." France wiped a tear from his eye. "To think we would've lost the case weren't for a taste test."

"Indeed," England muttered, emerging from the courthouse while dabbing the corners of his mouth with a napkin. "It's a surprise, however, I welcome it."

He whimpered, "I may have beaten you and won the case, but I've completely lost faith in gourmet." He couldn't help shedding more tears in dismay at what he had done. "Damn it. We wouldn't be here hadn't you destroyed America's tastebuds with your awful cooking."

"Preposterous! My cooking has little to do with America's poor tastes!" He proceeded to bicker with the Frenchman as usual, failing to notice his client exit the courthouse as an anguished ghost.

"Waaah, Germany... How could you find America's pizza edible?" Italy cried and moaned.

"Hey!" New York intercepted the defeated Italian. "What's the big idea attacking America with a lawsuit?"

"A-Ah, please don't hurt me!" He cowered. "I-I just want pizza and pasta to be eaten with dignity!"

"How can you not like our food? It's so good." Illinois took a bite of deep-dish pizza.

"T-That's not pizza." He shuddered and pointed. "It's greasy. It has too much cheese and sauce. It's all just too much, veeee!" He shook his head and cried, "Pizza is already perfect. There's no need to add more cheese, sauce, toppings... Waaah! What's with the weird toppings? Why put pineapple on pizza?"

"Because it's delicious," Hawaii said casually.

"In our defense, pineapple on pizza was a Canadian invention," New York informed him.

"Yep. It's definitely Canada's fault..." Oregon mumbled quietly.

"If he thinks our pizza is shit, I wanna know what he thinks of Japanese pizza," California giggled. "Though, they're tame compared to some countries who unironically like bananas on pizza."

"No kidding."

Italy sniffled, "Isn't it too much to ask for respect?"

"No need to cry, dude," America smiled, patting him on the back. "Our tastes in pizza and pasta may differ, but we can agree pizza and pasta are amazing, right?"

"Sure, ve..."

~ Hetalia... ~

Aloha, papa, give me pineapple juice!
Aloha, mama, aloha, mama!
I cannot forget the taste of those
Malasadas I ate long ago!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
My name's Hawaii!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Looking closely, that's the Earth!
Or maybe, that's the Earth?
I'm the Aloha State!

Ah, with just a brushstroke,
A beautiful world can be seen!
Paradise of the Pacific!
I'm Hawaii!

☆☆☆☆☆

+ This episode was inspired by chapters 369–370 of the Hetalia: World☆Stars comics. In summary of those chapters, Italy served as a witness at the International Gourmet Court, expressing their distraught seeing American-style pizza and pasta. With the assistance of England as the prosecutor, they hoped to convict America for his crimes against Italian cuisine. Acting in the roles of defendant and defense attorney respectfully, America and France defended American-style food, providing a taste test to prove its deliciousness. In the end, the court decided in America's favor, deeming him not guilty.

- American cuisine is infamous for taking dishes of various cultures and Americanizing them to suit the American palette for better or for worse. That can mean making a dish more cheesy, more saucy, more meaty, more greasy, more sugary, and more of everything—including calories. It has offended people from countless countries, yet it remains popular whether anyone cares or not.

~

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