Peeta's Story- The Hunger Games

Chapter 42

okay i know this is late... and i'm not gonna make excuses, but at least i'm still uploading once a week right?

anyway, i ramble alot in this chapter so it might get a bit boring... sorry... i'm too lazy to go back and proofread/edit :P

xox amanda

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"Katniss," I say, my voice a mere whisper. I don't know why my throat suddenly seems cracked, why I seem to have lost my voice, so I clear my throat softly. "Katniss."

"Hmm? Should I get another roll?" she asks, preoccupied with the food and looking resolutely away from me.

"Katniss." I say her name firmer this time, even though my mind is still reeling and I feel as if I'm about to throw up.

She turns her questioning gray eyes to scan my face quickly before holding up a roll. "I'm going to split one," she says, holding out half of the bread for me. "We'll save some for tomorrow, of course."

I bat away the roll impatiently. "Thresh is dead," I say numbly.

She blanches for a second before turning around dismissively. "He can't be."

I turn back to the opening of the cave and peer out. Through the fog, I can just make out the sharp, set jaw outlining Thresh's face. "They must have fired the cannon and we missed it," I say, but she ignores me for a second.

"Are you sure?' she asks, after a moment of silence, her voice shaking. She pushes me hastily away from the rocks, scraping my knee against a jagged point in the stone, and she looks out before frowning and looking away. "Oh," she mutters quietly before slumping against the wall and sighing. Her eyes are glazed over, and if I didn't know better, I would have thought she was crying, but no, Katniss is too strong and prickly for that. She squeezes her eyes shut, as if in pain, and I tentatively reach a hand out to touch her.

"You okay?" I say.

She shrugs slightly and buries her head in her hands, trying to shield her emotions from me. Hesitantly, I peel her unwilling hands away and look into her glassy eyes. "It's just, if we didn't win, I wanted Thresh to. Because he let me go... because of Rue," she whispers so quietly that I have to strain my ears to catch her words. She tries to throw her head back into her arms, but I catch them lightly and pull her gently into my arms to calm her down.

I stroke her hair and her breathing slows down a little. I'm relieved to see that she's relaxing again, but somehow the numbness inside of me hasn't faded. I owed Thresh for saving the love of my life and now I'll never be able to repay that debt. I wonder how he died. Brave, strong, Thresh. I'd like to think that he died of natural causes, maybe something quick and painless like lisonberry poisoning, but I know better. In my mind's eye, I can see Cato sneaking up upon Thresh while the latter is sleeping and mercilessly pounding him with a dagger. Of course, Thresh would have put up a good fight. He was too valiant a fighter to have allowed himself to die without first hurting his enemy. At the thought of Cato, my fingers itch to wind themselves around that traitor's throat. What wouldn't I give to have been there to help Thresh? But now he is dead and my debt to him will forever remain unpaid.

However, I shouldn't be mourning the death of another tribute. It is exactly this kind of behavior that Haymitch has warned me against. Compassion leads to downfall. Always. "I'm sorry," I murmur quietly into Katniss's hair. "At least we're one step closer to District Twelve now."

I half expect her to turn around and glare at me, or perhaps chide me for my lack of sensitivity, but what she does hurts me a lot more. She just sighs and nods shortly, and when I tip her chin up to face me, her face is devoid of expression. It hurts me just to think of the pain that she must be bottling up inside. "Eat," I say, grabbing a still warm plate and shoving it into her hands.