Peeta's Story- The Hunger Games

Chapter 25

ello lovies! i'm backkk! good news- i wrote a chapter and got the book back

bad news- i only get the book back for five days, so we'll see how that goes

thanks for bearing with me! now, i know this chapter is a tad boring, but give me feedback. do you think i conveyed the emotions well enough? what do you think? Also i know that Peeta is supposed to try to keep Katniss alive, but honestly, don't you think he'd be torn between saving her and saving himself? so i tried to show that -_- now i would've have time to upload more, but of course, my schedule gets so messed up i can't even believe it. dance @9-10 AM, going to barnes and noble to write from 10:30 to 11:30, dance from 12-1:30, then piano performance from 2:30-4. hectic! so i'm sorry but please accept my apologies

xox

amanda

--

The rest of the night passes by quickly, much too quickly for my liking. I drift in and out of a restless sleep, disturbing nightmares threatening my sanity. It is about four in the morning when I finally wake up, staring at the ceiling. I know I should sleep more, for this might be the last night I get to sleep for awhile, but I can't control the butterflies in my stomach. Katniss's words from last night on the roof echo ominously in the head as I ponder what she said.

As much as it disturbs me, I realize everything she has said is true. In order to protect her and myself, I must stop at nothing to keep us safe. I must kill without mercy, without regard to the other tributes' feelings because if I hesitate even one moment, they will gain an advantage. But violence is against my nature; I am not cut out to do this. It has always been Katniss's job to be the strong one, the cold, merciless hunter. Now I must step into her shoes.

I try not to think about the other tributes and how I must defeat them in the end. Even small, innocent Rue, who doesn't deserve this death sentence at all. My hands clench in anger as I inwardly curse the Capitol for being so deceiving and cold-hearted. None of us deserve this fate. The other tributes are just animals, I tell myself, anything to convince myself that it is fine to try and kill them. However, my attempts are fruitless as my conscience and instinct for survival battle for dominance in my mind.

I stare emptily at the ceiling, with the decorated borders on the edges. Today is the last time I will ever see this room and I should savor the comfort of it; however I feel it is restricting me rather than comforting me. The bed seems too soft, my neck aches; the covers are too thick, I feel suffocated. Everything about this day seems ominous and gloomy.

Inside my head, I am torn apart. The morals I have been taught since I was little are crumbling, giving way to pure selfishness. I can feel myself becoming deceitful, a treacherous, selfish, pathetic excuse for a human. Maybe killing the other tributes won't be so bad, I reason with myself, as long as it keeps Katniss alive. However, I know I am lying to myself. True, I do want to help her survive because I love her. But I'm also trying to ignore the nagging idea that I should try to survive, too. I push this thought away to no avail. I have already made my choice- to recklessly throw my morals aside and do anything to protect Katniss and me. In become such a horrible person, I find myself also becoming more and more self-interested, thinking of ways to protect myself. After all, in case Katniss dies and I become the victor, it won't be that bad, right?