To Go Unseen (A Natasha Romanoff Story)

50 [hospital]

That night, when visiting hours ended and Steve and Clint went to go find a hotel as close as possible, Bucky begged for one more hour and, as the boyfriend, he was reluctantly granted it.

“You should be safe,” he reassured Natalia, scooting up into her bed with her as gently as he could and wrapping her up in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder, the side without the painful cut, and closed her eyes. “Belova’s still spinning her wheels somewhere back in Texas. I checked your phone and there’s no new SHIELD updates. You’ll be okay here.” Natalia nodded quietly. “Text me if anything happens,” Bucky continued. “If you don’t feel safe, I’ll get back in here somehow.”

“What if I just want you to sleep with me?” She replied, holding her bandaged wrist in her lap carefully and she looked up at him to offer a tired smile. Bucky kissed her smile lovingly and started to comfortingly rub up and down her arm.

“I’d come,” he said. “And no one could keep me out.”

“That’s what I thought,” Natalia said, and then Bucky thought to bring up what had been on his mind all day. He sat there with her for another blessed moment in sweet silence, and then he cleared his throat.

“Uh,” he said. “If you don’t wanna talk about it, just tell me and I’ll stop, but…,” he sighed. “Do you remember what you said to me during the transfer?” Natalia stiffened in his arms and Bucky cursed himself. “Nevermind, nevermind, forget I said anything, just totally forget it, it’s okay, just-”

“James,” Natalia quieted him and he trailed off and she looked up at him. She studied his face. “I hadn’t realized I’d actually said that,” she said. “I thought I’d dreamt it.” He shook his head weakly.

“Do you remember what I’d said back?” He asked and she nodded slowly. “I meant it,” he added and she looked down, her eyes focusing away from him, traveling back into her lap and he felt her wince as she tried to move the fingers on her right hand. “Careful,” he whispered and she sighed and stopped.

“I feel like I have to pull myself apart at the seams, James,” she said quietly. “And stitch myself back together. Just to find out what’s underneath. Does that make sense?” Bucky nodded. It made too much sense, and he thought this was her way of trying to explain to him what she’d meant when she’d taken his arm and pulled him down and whispered in his ear, dreaming out loud. She sighed again and looked up at him, resting her good hand on his cheek and kissing him sadly. He kissed her back and when she pulled away, she was stroking his face and she broke into a small smile.

“I wonder if you’re growing a beard, Mr. Barnes,” she teased and he smiled and took her hand and pressed her palm as gently as he could to his cheek just to feel her there.

“Guess I’m getting distracted,” he replied. “I’ve got a girlfriend in the hospital, you know. It’s very stressful.” He smiled and teased further. “Besides, don’t women think stubble is, I dunno, edgy?”

“Very edgy,” she giggled. “Very sexy. Mmm.” He kissed her palm.

“I’ve been meaning to shave,” he mentioned and instead of answering, she just looked at him. She picked up her other hand and rested it on his chest and it wasn’t possible to get much closer to him, so she sat there and studied his face, her small smile beginning to fade into her thoughts, whatever they may be.

“You start to wonder,” she said in a whispery voice as she looked into his eyes and he knew she was referring to herself. “If the thing you’ve dedicated your life to is what you really want.” Bucky struggled to keep up, feeling anxious uncertainty. She must mean the Black Widow, he thought, and he squeezed her a little tighter.

“You’re a little young to be having a midlife crisis, Talia,” he said, trying to joke, trying to lighten the mood, but his voice was hollow. Neither of them laughed.

“Having killed people adds a few years,” Natalia replied immediately and Bucky felt a shiver run through his body. He swallowed and responded a little late, his voice breaking.

“Yeah, it does,” he replied.