To Go Unseen (A Natasha Romanoff Story)

35 [hotel bed]

Extra chapter today to celebrate reaching a follower goal of 100! -BB

She probably could have asked questions.

At least a few.

To know what she was doing, who she was working for, what was happening.

But she rarely did.

She found

it easier

to pull the trigger

when she didn’t truly know who stood at the other end.

 

The Winter Soldier stood behind her as she polished off her rifle and watched her silently as she turned around and aimed. They were close enough to hear the body hit the ground.

“Why did you do that,” the Winter Soldier asked quietly. Her fingers reached up to touch his face and he pulled away.

“They told me to,” she replied and watched his eyes refocus on the body behind her. He pressed his mouth together.

“I’ll miss you,” he whispered and, confused, she turned around and followed his gaze to see the body across the street from them had long red hair and gold weapons strapped to her wrists and she felt her stomach drop out from underneath her.

 

After all.

She was in the habit of not asking who it really was that she killed on every Red Room mission.

 

Natasha bolted up, her hands on her face and her hair, her eyes wide and her heart racing. It was dark suddenly, she couldn’t breathe.

“Oooh, no,” she gasped. “No. No no no. Stop, get it together, stop it.” Images assaulted her mind; thoughts of murder FLASH thoughts of blood FLASH thoughts of long, thin syringes and thick, dull scissors and she sucked in a breath. “Ooh,” she said and she squeezed her eyes shut and balled her hands into fists against her cheeks. She was sweating.

“Natalia?” She heard. The bed creaked and she felt cool metal on her hot skin, hands on her shoulders. “Natalia, what’s wrong?”

“James, I-” she said and FLASH thoughts of wiping guts off of knives FLASH thoughts of- “Aah, J-James!”

Before she knew it, she had been grabbed and moved and she could feel him up against her, arms tight around her shoulders, sitting in his lap, her face in the crook of his neck.

FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH

She squeezed her hands harder until she almost thought her nails had broken skin and she pressed her face into his skin and whimpered. She felt him rocking her back and forth.

“Hey, shh, hey,” she heard. FLASH thoughts of FLASH thoughts “Shhshsh, listen to me, okay? Concentrate on my voice. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, it wasn’t real-” FLASH FLASH FLASH “You’re gonna be fine, I’m here, listen to-” FLASH FLASH “Shhhh Nat, Natalia, come on, breathe-” FLASH “and out, in and out, come on.”

Concentrate on his voice. Make the rest of it go away, force it to leave you, make it go away.

For a second, just a second, she had the impression, the sudden FLASH of being in Clint Barton’s arms this way, and of panicking until she couldn’t even see straight and for that second, she wasn’t entirely sure where she was.

After a while, Natasha calmed down, focusing in on the way James’ voice sounded in the air and felt rumbling next to her face, on the way his arms around her were so tight that he steadied her shaking all by himself, on the way it was grounding and real and the flashes began to subside. Then, she could concentrate on one time and one place.