To Go Unseen (A Natasha Romanoff Story)

36 [hotel room]

In the morning, Natalia and Bucky had a to-do list a mile long. He woke up before her and he let her rest as he stood out of bed.

The light was bright and he stopped for a minute and looked at her and felt almost as though he might cry, the heartbreak in him was so strong. Their conversation and the events of the night had come rushing back to him in an instant and he felt almost attacked by them, and hateful towards the memory.

She didn’t trust him.

He felt in him a crippling pain at these words, like breath knocked out of him, and he had to sit down and suck in air and tell himself to keep moving.

Sometimes, pain is like that. Sometimes, people let you down and it hurts so much you don’t think you can go on, don’t think you can breathe. This time, Bucky ground his teeth together and forced himself to.

He pulled himself up and walked over and sat in the desk on the other side of the room. He pulled out his phone and dialed SHIELD.

It took him a while to get through things like protocols and people asking who he was and how he had this number and he had to repeat himself a dozen times, saying, “This is James Barnes, I’ve worked with SHIELD in the past, please, just let me talk.” Until finally, several times, he’d be forced to say, “Captain America!! Yes!! Captain America! Look him up! My name is right next to his! Please, if at least for his sake, let me through to Fury!!”

It had been a long time since he’d spoken to Nick Fury directly on the phone, and this time, he didn’t even get a chance to. Instead, he was put through to some higher ups and he leaned over the desk and rubbed his temple.

“Let me get this straight, Hydra’s Winter Soldier is calling us?” Someone on the other end asked sarcastically and Bucky felt emotion (mostly rage? mostly fear?) respond.

“I’m not Hydra’s anything,” he hissed and then had to stop and force himself to take a breath. “Don’t… Look, just, don’t call me that. My name is Bucky, I was a Howling Commando, okay?”

“What do you need, Barnes?” Another voice said.

“I’ve got a name for you to put on your lists,” Bucky replied. “This is a high-level Watch List candidate, you hear me?”

“I think we’ll decide who’s high-level and who’s not, Mr. Barnes,” someone else said. “What’s the name.”

“Yelena Belova,” Bucky said, and found himself a little embarrassed that he’d pronounced it with a bit of a Russian accent. He and Natalia had been speaking too much Russian to each other, he groaned to himself in his head. And sometimes, he knew, caught up in the pace of communicating, he still didn’t notice the switch. “She’s Red Room, and Russian. A threat to the Black Widow.”

“How do you know this?” they asked.

“Because Agent Romanoff is my girlfriend,” Bucky replied angrily. “And we’ve seen attacks by her recently. We have intel.”

“Why isn’t Agent Romanoff calling this in?” they asked.

“Look, I just need you to track her for us, okay?” Bucky said frustratedly. “That’s all I need from you.”

After a few more minutes of fighting, Natalia had roused herself and was sitting up and yawning. She stood and shivered and wrapped a sheet around her shoulders and approached Bucky. He finally gave in and groaned and handed her the phone. He listened to her identify herself and ask for the name on the Watch List and then she hung up and set the phone down.

“I hate SHIELD,” Bucky complained as Nataliaa walked over to the bag of their new clothes on the ground and began to change.

“They’d listen to you if you worked for them,” she replied casually.

“Never gonna happen,” he replied. “I’ll do anything else. I’ll knit sweaters for a living. I’ll open up a bakery. I’ll...,” he shrugged. “I dunno, something. Just no SHIELD and mission work.” Natalia looked at him over her shoulder as she pulled a shirt on.

“Sure,” she said back and her voice was decorated with her smile. “Make sure to knit me a sweater first though, alright?”

“That’ll be twenty bucks,” he teased back and she rolled her eyes.

“Twenty dollars?” She asked. “You never really did get a hang of the currency inflation thing, did you?”

“What?” He cried. “Twenty bucks can get you a meal and that’s all I need to know.” He heard her laugh.

“Uh-huh,” she replied. “Well, get dressed and ready your twenties. We’re going to breakfast.”

Bucky found he couldn’t forget what had been said last night, even while they teased each other. He looked at her, standing in a mirror and frowning at herself as she raked her fingers through her short hair, and thought of her panicking in the dark until he grabbed her up and tried as hard as he could to save her. He thought of the way she’d said to him so bitingly, “You will never have all of me.”

He thought of Valentines Day and swallowed and thought that maybe this hadn’t been a good idea.

There was a little pastry shop across the road that Bucky had thought looked good and they went there now, ordering bagels and danishes and sitting down at the little tables in the shop.

“Now you can do less work,” Bucky pointed out quietly as they sat. “SHIELD will do the tracking, they might even send us some back-up. All we have to do now is actually physically fight her.” Nataliaa sipped a coffee and nodded slowly.

“I guess that’s true,” she admitted.

“More time left over for vacationing?” Bucky prodded and she looked up at him and cracked a small smile. He leaned over the table to get near to her and said, “I remember being promised an ocean. And fancy tacos.” Natalia laughed and set her coffee down.

“Alright, alright,” she said and when she looked up and smiled at him, her green eyes sparkled. “A little bit of time to relax. And then we take what info SHIELD gives us and we hunt her down and end this.” Bucky smiled at her widely until she looked away, rolling her eyes and grinning, and he took one her hands and kissed the back of it gently.

“Where should we start?” He asked her and she took her hand back from him and started to clean up the table.

“Maybe by paying and leaving,” she teased and he followed her up to the counter to ask for the receipt and leaned up against the wall as she signed it.

He waited for a minute before he realized they’d been there an awkward and silently long time and he glanced over at her to see her staring down at her own name on the paper, her eyebrows furrowed. Her pen moved over the N again and again and again and the cashier behind the counter looked confused. Bucky stepped forward and put his hand on her waist.

“Is something wrong?” He asked her quietly in her ear and she jumped a little and dropped the pen. She looked over at him.

“No,” she said. He looked down at the receipt. The letters in her name had been thickened and darkened by the times she’d run the pen over them again and again as they stood there.

“Are you sure?” He said. “You, um… Really made your name legible, there.” Natalia looked down at the receipt and swallowed and shoved it towards the cashier.

“It’s nothing,” she said, slipping her hand behind him and wrapping her arm around his waist as well. Her other hand clipped her purse closed. “Let’s go.”

Bucky didn’t answer, just steered her gently towards the door and tried to stifle his concern.