To Go Unseen (A Natasha Romanoff Story)

23 [the hotel bed in Houston]

James was starting to sit up and Natasha scooted herself close to him and put her arms around his neck and dragged him close to her, pressing their foreheads together and trying to take deep breaths. She felt her heart racing and her mouth dry. She squeezed her eyes shut.

James wrapped his arms around her. She felt him against her waist and her back, half flesh, half vibranium, then his right hand cup her cheek.

“N’talia,” he said sleepily. “What is it?”

“I haven’t had nightmares in a really long time…,” she said breathlessly and James seemed to stop for a minute and consider this as she slumped down exhaustedly and nuzzled her face into his neck, searching for comfort. There were scars there next to his neck, and puckered skin, and hot metal, and she rested her face there and realized that she was going to cry again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked and Natasha just squeezed him tighter and let out a strangled sob that embarrassed her. She felt him gasp. “Hey, come on now,” he was saying, stroking her hair, holding her tight. “It’s not real, remember? Think of the stuff you tell me when this happens. It was just a dream.”

“I know it wasn’t real,” she replied. “And it’s over. It’s just-”

“Hard,” James said. She could feel his voice in his chest, rumbling deep inside him. Before she even heard him, she could feel him. It was comforting. “I get that. But that’s okay, that just means I help you out for once. Sometimes, you just have to take a second, Nat, and I’m here for you.”

She felt all at once ashamed then that the subject of fear in her dreams had been this man who now sat up with her and let her cry into his skin, and the one whose eyes struck terror into her once now brought comfort and love. In any other instance, she knew, if it had not been about him, she would want to explain the dream to James. But now it would be another secret between them, and she would keep it locked in her heart for his sake, so he would never have to know.

“Why do you think this happened?” James asked her. She shifted and pulled her arms back from behind him so she could just rest against his chest, and he leaned back slowly and let her. She didn’t know how to answer his question.

“You think I’m stressed,” she finally replied.

“I do,” he said back.

“You think I can’t do it?” She asked and felt him swallow anxiously.

“I think working too hard can be bad for you,” he admitted. “I never said you couldn’t do it. And you have me to help you do it. You probably just… Need to take more breaks. Try to worry about it less.” Natasha shook her head slowly.

“I don’t know how to do that,” she said. James sighed.

“I wish I could tell you how,” he replied.

They laid there for another minute and then James looked over at the clock and shifted them both back down lower onto the mattress.

“It’s only four,” he said. “Are you going to try to go back to sleep?” Natasha clung to him and stared at the darkness across from her and found herself shaking her head slowly.

“I guess I’ll try,” she said. “But I don’t know what good it would do.”

“Wake me up if you need me,” he said and she felt him press a kiss to her head.

“I will,” she said and as time passed, she felt his breathing slow until he was once again fast asleep and she laid there and curled her hands into fists and squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to think of anything.

I've been corrected regarding the last chapter-- Odessa is in Ukraine, not Iran. I had gotten confused when I tried to look it up and Natasha's line from CA:TWS had thrown me off. I'm sorry!! It's fixed now. :)

Thanks to Guest on FF.net for pointing it out!! :) <3 I appreciate it. -BB