To Go Unseen (A Natasha Romanoff Story)

20 [Nebraska airport]

Bucky had only seen Natalia cry a few times, and they were times of serious distress. She was crying now and it scared him, seeing her eyes red and puffy and her cheeks shine. It wasn’t something he was used to. Natalia put on a very strong front, so much so that tears rarely made it through.

“He’s going to try to get involved,” Natalia said of Steve. Her voice was wobbling. Her face was buried in Bucky’s jacket and she was squeezing him to her tightly. Bucky squeezed back. “He’s going to try to find us.”

“What?” Bucky exclaimed, suddenly stunned. He felt his stomach sink. “And he has no idea what he’s up against.”

“There’s too much James, too much, and I don’t know how to do it all,” she said.

“Talia, we have to tell him,” Bucky replied with sudden urgency. “We have to let him know.”

“James,” Natalia said. “Is that what we should do? I don’t know anymore.” This scared Bucky, too. Natalia was a decision maker. She was confident and self-assured. She was never at a loss.

“He’s already in danger, and we can’t get him to stop. It’s all we can do,” Bucky said. Maybe he would have to be assertive. He said, “Hand me the phone, Natalia.”

“James…,” she mumbled nervously and hugged him tighter.

“I’ll tell him. Okay, I’ll do it, I promise,” Bucky said. She was quiet for a minute. “Come on, Nat, why is this such a big deal? It’s best that he knows, really! It’ll be better for him and for us. Why are you so upset about this?”

Again, Natalia was quiet for a while. Then, she spoke.

“When people,” she said, and she turned her face and took one of her hands from behind him to wipe her eyes. “When they get involved in my issues, they end up dead. And Yelena Belova is definitely my issue. This isn’t a fight Steve knows. I want him to stay home and be happily oblivious.” Bucky felt her shoulders deflate. “That’s all. I don’t want my world to hurt anyone else.”

“What do you mean, your world?” Bucky said. “We’re your friends. Your problems are our problems.”

“No,” Natalia said and she pulled away from Bucky then and looked at him desperately, then reached over and grabbed his hands. “No, that’s not true. It’s not black and white like that, it’s not easy. You and Steve always think it is, because you two are the same; you’re all about the lines between right and wrong. Loyalty and honor and friendship. Good guys and bad guys. Well, that’s not what I’ve lived, James. In my world, the good guys don’t always win, if there even are good guys in the equation at the time. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell. But I’m not like you and you don’t understand me.”

Here, Bucky bit his tongue. Her words felt, well… Sharp. He stiffened, and Natalia must have noticed him do so, but right then, he didn’t care. He felt somehow slighted, that the Winter Soldier’s struggles with shades of grey in ‘her world’ had been so dismissed and he wanted to point it out to her before he told himself to stop, forced himself to be patient instead of defensive. He knew she hadn’t meant anything insulting and maybe she hadn’t been thinking. Either way, it was beside the point. He had other things to worry about then.

“Natalia,” Bucky said finally and he looked at her face and squeezed her hands gently. “Trust me.”

He could see her begin to wear down, the way her face fell slowly and her eyes searched the floor back and forth. Then, she looked back up at him.

“Fine, tell him,” she said and took the phone from her pocket and thrust it at Bucky’s chest. Bucky reached up and took it slowly.

“Thank you,” he replied to her quietly and then he dialed the number and put the phone to his face. Natalia backed off, her face smoldering with conflict and her arms folded tightly across her chest. When Steve picked up, Bucky turned away.