UPSTEAD ONESHOTS

KILIG

Kilig:
In the context of Philippines culture: a feeling of exhilaration caused by a romantic experience.

When she was gone to New York, Jay had missed her. He felt the effects of the distance between them, something that in the three years of their partnership has never been a problem.

It had almost been four months since she came back to Chicago but they haven't ever been so distant.

He was very exited to see her after all those weeks, but when she refused his offer to pick her up from the airport he already knew something was off.

He found out the reason later in the night, at Molly's when she joined him and the team with some gigantic dude by her side.
He tried with everything he had to keep a straight face and fake a smile but he was sure he was making weird faces all night at the sound of that dude's voice.
He couldn't even hear what they were saying, this thoughts clouding their words.

He knew he couldn't have blamed her, just because he was too much of a coward to confess his feelings for her. He knew the day she'd find someone better than him would come.

Sure, he was heartbroken, even if he would never admit that, but mostly he was mad and disappointed because they were friends, partners, and they told each other almost everything, but apparently that was part of the "almost".

She only gave him a quick smile at the beginning of the night, going back to answering the team's enthusiastic questions about New York and treating him like if he was just another member of the squad, even avoiding him at some point, not looking at him for the whole the night.

When she was gone he used to replay in his mind over and over again the moment she would come back with one of her adorable smiles that never failed to cheer him up.

They would have gone to her place, watched a little bit of tv while sharing a couple of beers and some pizza. They would have told each other how much they missed talking and working together.
He was even planning on confessing his feelings, telling her that the time apart made him realize that life was short and he didn't want to waste another second without her.

But there he was. Four months feeling like shit, seeing the woman he loved probably in a relationship with someone else.

He would have swore that she felt something for him too, maybe not love, but something.

The little glares, that beautiful smiles only reserved to him, the soft touches, was all of that just an illusion?
It couldn't be.
But he obviously missed his opportunity to be with her and had to live with the regret, and respect her life choices, but damn, was it hard.

He actually didn't see that guy after the night she came back, but it was probably for the best. Finding out he might be a good guy would only worsen the way he was feeling.

He had cowardly asked Voight if he could have been partnered with Vanessa. She was easygoing, funny and nice to work with.

And she also was Hailey's roommate, so if anyone knew something about her current personal life, it was Rojas.
He casually tried to get some infos from her but she gave him nothing. Voight didn't ask questions but stared at him with a weird look on his face for a few seconds before agreeing.

He was ashamed of his immature behavior but being with her all day long and having to see her leaving to go to another man's arms, wasn't something he could bear.

For months he avoided her, only talking about work stuff, and at first it looked like she didn't even care, or notice.
But even when she tried to have a non-work related conversation he dismissed her with a quick nod or short answers.

He even stopped going to Molly's in order to avoid seeing that man. He was hurting too much to risk having to chat with him as if everything was fine.

Was he being a bitch and a coward? Yes
Was it the only option that came into his mind?
Also yes.

This was the routine until Vanessa had to go undercover with Kevin and they were partnered for that week. Voight partnered his two detectives since Kim and Adam were working together.
Jay had a weird face that didn't go unnoticed to the sergeant

-Any problems?-
He asked kind of rhetorically as a way to tell them to shut up and get to work

-No Sarge-
The word came out easily even if there were a hundred thoughts in his mind.

Vanessa had Hailey's car so she had to go back home with someone and the only option was Jay. She wanted to use that time to ask him about their situation, but the car ride couldn't have been more awkward.
They often rode silently but it used to be comfortable, they used to comunicate through glares and smiles and they usually used the quietness to clear their heads after a case.

-Why are you avoiding me?-
Hailey whispered looking at Jay.

-I'm not-
Eyes focused on the road. He tried. They both knew that was a lie.

-Jay-
Was the only thing she said, she was looking at him, waiting to him to tell her what was going on.

-I'm not avoiding you, it's just that there is a lot going on-
He tried again, this time trying to make his lie sound believable

-We haven't talked in months-
She exhaled deeply, knowing well Jay was lying to her.

-What do you mean Hailey? We just talked yesterday-
He replied pretending not to know what she was implying. He felt guilty of his immature reaction, but he was not ready to talk about what was bothering him.

-Jay. You know what I mean... we haven't really talked since I came back. At first I admit that I was the one avoiding you cause I didn't really want to talk about why I was sent to New York. But...-
There was a pause. It was hard for them to express their emotions so explicitly but she needed answers, she wanted her partner and bestfriend back.

-But everytime I tried reaching out to you... you just avoided me. I just wanna know if I did something wrong-
She looked at him to see his reaction, if it was all in her head, trying to understand why he was acting like that.

-Hailey I don't know what you want me to say. We aren't partners anymore there's no need for you to act like my mom.-
He replied harshly. Jaw clenched and eyes focused on the car in front of him, since he couldn't even look at her.

He was thinking that it probably hurt more him than her. He knew well he shouldn't have treated Hailey fucking Upton like that.
And knowing her, he was waiting for her to get pissed and yell at him.

She usually was very clear about what bothered her and what needed to be sorted out.

But when he finally gained the courage to look at her, he saw her staring back, hurt and dissapointed. He felt like she could see right in his soul.

In three years he may have seen her cry once or twice, she was a strong woman and that was part of why he loved and admired her so much. Seeing her eyes get watery clearly surprised him

-Hales...-

-No, ok. I get it. You want me to stay away? No problem. I just thought that after years of being friends the least I deserved was an explanation-

-That's the problem- He quietly replied still not wanting to look at her

-What?- he was getting on her nerves and she was irritated with his behavior. Why couldn't he just tell her what was actually going on?

-That's the problem. I'm just a friend for you. Or partner or best friend or whatever- he yelled loosing his temper

She was shocked.
What did he just say?
She was so stunned that she couldn't think straight or take her eyes away from Jay's face.