Life After Death

Honest

KING'S LANDING

Jon was sitting next to her. Sam asked him to stay in bed at least for one more day and then depending on his condition he can help them to research. He was holding her hand and staring at her. He did not even notice how many hours passed that way. He did not want to leave her. He was sure she hears every word. He was sure she feels that he is there, and meanwhile, he was with her he felt guilty too. He should be with his daughter, but he just couldn't. He couldn't get out of his head the words of Samwell. That Missandei caused that condition. Because she ... sucked her life-strength. If she really did that, she did that for good, but the price of the death of the Night King was too high. It did not worth it. Not for him. He should have been in that condition, not Daenerys. 

"How are you?" he surprised when he turned back. Sansa was standing behind him holding some meal on her hand. He did not answer. He lowered his head and turned back to Dany with his head. "I .. Samwell told you should... eat. To get some strength. So... I ..." she continued and placed the plate to the cabinet. She hesitated for another moment and staring at the woman in the bed, and her brother, who was desperately in love with that woman. "No change?" Sansa asked quietly. "In ... her condition I mean." she tried to have some conversation with Jon. Jon shook his head in silence. "I ... I am sorry. I ...." Sansa was trying to find some proper things to say. 
"You don't have to act yourself. You can go. I ... don't expect you to feel sorry or sympathize with me." Jon made his feelings clear. "I know you probably happy because it happened that way."
"Do not say that." Sansa frowned.
"Isn't that the truth?" Jon raised his eyes at his sister. Those eyes were so tired, there were huge dark circles around them, and it was clear he cried a lot. Those eyes were so hopeless, sad... full of pain. 
"I know... "Sansa lowered her head and scratching her fingers "I know it doesn't matter anymore, and ... I know it can't change anything but I am sorry." she swallowed. "I did not understand the meaning of the truth about you, I ... did not really think through what it can cause if it turns out. I just... I saw that as a solution to save the North. To keep the North ... independent and free. That is all I wanted. Even if that is... not enough explanation for you." she took a deep breath. "Ahm... If you need anything ... I... I'll be ..." she hesitated a bit more, but then she walked towards the door.
"Thank you," Jon answered after a minute of silence. "If those words came from your heart. I... thank you, Sansa." he sighed. "Even that they can't change the events that happened, it means a lot for me."

"And I did not want to do it." she felt the time right to continue. "I did not want to ... kidnap your daughter. I mean I almost did but I never wanted it. I thought..."
"You thought it is the only way to save Arya. I ... I understand." Jon frowned. "But you did not think about anything else, just the thing that you want the most. As you did when you've told my heritage to Tyrion Lannister. You only thought about what you want, what is good for you. You only think that choice is ... beneficial for you." Jon was talking so quietly but so honest. "Those decisions are selfish. As a Queen, you can't be selfish. No matter how you want to." he continued and he was caressing Dany's hand. "As a ruler, you have to put everything and everyone else ahead. Just like she did." Jon swallowed. "She probably gave her life to save the humans. Because as a true ruler she felt she had to do it." he felt how his eyes filled with tears again. "You wanted to rule the North, no matter what was the reason, but you sacrificed me for it. Your own brother. No matter we connected by blood or not, I am your brother. Or at least I thought I am." he did not care he hurts her or not. It did not matter. He wanted her to finally hear it. Hear what he thinks from his heart. "You wanted to save Arya, and you almost sacrificed my daughter for it. My family. Our father... taught us family is the most important thing. Yet... you did the things you've done." he took a deep breath. "I ... don't think I'll ever able to forgive you completely, but if your words were honest... it means a lot."