13 Novella 4

Memories

TW: mentions of assault

You spend that night drifting to and from conciousness, only one particular nightmare wakes you up completely.

You were with Jay, he had followed you down the alleyway that you had attacked Mr Fedgra in.

He held you close and salivated over you while you squirmed and kicked furiously, pulling at your clothes, so you began to scream...

That's when Missy wakes you up, gasping and screaming.

"Who was that?" She says as you shake in terror, checking you are safe. Jenny pulls you close to her and you bury your face in her chest.

"Was that Jay?" Says Missy, and your stomach drops as you realise you must have shown her your nightmare.

You don't answer. She is very quiet.

"You're safe (Y/n)" whispers Jenny comfortingly. "It was just a dream" she seems to be talking to both of you. You don't need to touch Missy to know what she's thinking.

Rage rolls off her in waves that you can feel as though it's burning you.

Against your better judgement you place a hand in hers, recoiling when you catch the onslaught of violent images rushing her brain.

"I'll kill him" she growls and you suddenly feel very scared. You knew what Missy was like before you met her, her old faces, even this one for a while.

You didn't doubt for a second that she would.

You whimper and Jenny squeezes you, humming softly, trying to get you back to sleep. You try but Missy is absorbed, and you can't help but worry about what she would do is she were ever to meet him.

                            *             *              *

Since you didn't get much sleep, you are pale and sleepy the next morning.

Jenny gives you a piggy back to the console room with Missy following silently. She hasn't said a word since your nightmare and you are trying to ignore the fear eating you up because of it.

Jenny sets you down lightly and you watch out the corner of your eye as Missy looks at The Doctor. They exchange low mutterings, The Doctor's face creasing in worry.

Feeling sick, you turn back to Jenny who smiles anxiously and strokes your face. You allow the soft tingles to engulf you, closing your eyes until the raised voices of the Time Ladies reach your ears.

"I said no" finishes The Doctor firmly. "That's not who you are anymore." Missy scowls, then looks at you, unexpected fire burning in her eyes. She approaches and you are wary until she makes an effort to soften her features.

"Missy what's wrong?" You stammer and she tries to control her breathing.

"I just find it a little hard to control my temper sometimes." she mutters and you step back into Jenny, your fears being confirmed.

"Missy it was just a dream," you plead and she looks at you.

"He hurt you" she says stiffly and you shake you head defiantly.

"It was a long time ago, please Missy. Just let me forget" you beg and she closes her eyes in pain.

"There is a man. Walking free on Earth. Without consequences" she whispers and you let go of Jenny.

"You don't think I've thought about it? How easy it would be? I'm trying to escape, Missy. Let me do that." You say, and for some stupid reason you feel tears prick at your eyes. Missy leaves while Jenny spins you around and lightly wipes them away.

"I don't know what to do" you sob and she pulls you in, running her slender fingers through your hair.

"It's ok my little angel, I won't let her do anything" she replies and you snuggle into her warmth, breathing in her raspberry and vanilla scent.

"What do you need?" She asks and you sniff, thinking.

"Can we- can we see Abi?" You ask and she stiffens. Then relaxes.

"Of course"

You bury you head back into her and she holds you as you take off after a brief exchange with The Doctor. She keeps you steady and you barely stumble as she grips you securely. You feel safe.

You head out the doors when you land with Jenny going to follow. But now you had a plan.

"I'll be ok by myself" you sniffle, and she looks down at your watery eyes.

"I'll be right here if you need me" she replies, squeezing your hand as she lets go. She walks back inside the box and you wait for the doors to close.

The second they shut you take off, sprinting the length of the graveyard and out the gate, pounding down the path.

Walking it takes just over ten minutes, so you should be able to do it in under five.

You don't let yourself slow even when your side starts protesting with a stitch.

You gasp, clothes clinging to you as sweat builds on your forehead and back.

Eventually you slow, hands on knees and gasping. But you had no time for a break, you had to be fast.

You don't allow yourself to look up at your estate, knowing the memories would try to drown you. You can't help but spot the littered parking lot however.

That does make you stop.

You can almost see the black taxi with the uninterested man pulling up, calling your names in a bored voice.

You remember how you felt so out of options. You had let Abi get in first. Always the first to escape. Remember how it had driven you away.

You wonder if her room had been emptied. Probably, Jay wouldn't have kept any of your stuff. But maybe the bed was still there.

This hurts more than you would expect to think about.

She had cried on your shoulder almost the whole way. You hadn't even spoken. You wasted those precious few hours when you could have talked through them all. Comforted her at least.

It had been cold, and you had wrapped your arms around her to try and keep her warm. You wrap your arms around yourself now, feeling hopeless.

That was a lifetime ago.

You pull yourself away and continue with your job; to save the man who killed her.