13 Novella 4

Letter

You know what needs to happen now. Maybe you've known for a while. But here it was, taking you by surprise. Apprently you were destined to never learn from your mistakes.

And so, with a heavy heart, you settle down on the deck, having located a pen and paper, and begin to write.

Please don't be alarmed upon reading this letter, I promise it has just cause. I'm leaving. Not for good, but I need a break, and it's been a long time coming. I need to learn to control myself, and to get ahead of my emotions. So I'm going back to Earth (don't worry Doctor I know how to get a fake ID) -It wouldn't be the first time. I want none of you to blame yourselves, and to know that I will be completely safe.
To The Doctor, thank you simply isn't strong enough gratitude. I love you, you crazy blonde clown, to use Missy's favourite phrase. To Yaz. Tell them. They'll understand, and they can help. To Jenny, take care my love, and don't blame yourself. You are so precious. And to Missy. I'm so proud of you, and I don't want this to change any of your progress. Especially because I want to come back and find Your fellow Time Ladies in one piece!
Take care, Tardis fam, and hopefully we'll meet again soon. I fully intend for this to happen, but some things are beyond my control, so if it doesn't
work out, I want you to know that these have been the best years of my life.
All my love, (Y/n) x

You could write more but the last three lines are already smudged with tears. You sit back and read it, wanting to start over but knowing they'll come looking for you soon. You fold it up and tuck it into the console, just behind the miniature spinning Tardis model.

The real Tardis gives a concerned thrum so you smile and pat her, unable to find the right words.

It was strange growing so close to a machine, but you really did feel for her. You smile and place your hand on the main centre crystal.

She shows you nothing.

"Come on old girl, I can't fly you without your instructions!" You say but she still doesn't budge.

"Please. This is what I want." You beg, sighing. You really couldn't face having The Doctor drop you off and saying farewells in person. Because yes, you were a coward.

Just as you are giving up hope you catch an image of nine coordinates. You smile a watery eyed smile, standing and typing them quickly into the keypad.

Next is the fourth and fifth switches, which you activate, and, despite your heaviness, feel a rush as you realise you are piloting The Tardis.

She gives you many more instructions until finally guiding you to the lever that you know will start her up.

The one you've seen The Doctor pull a thousand times before, promising adventure and fun and running. You were going to miss the running.

You take off, hoping that Missy was right when she told you all those weeks ago that you couldn't feel the Tardis movement from deep within the ship.

You land after barely a minute, thudding heavily on solid ground. You don't bother packing, none of it was yours anyway. Except one thing you wanted, but did you have time... yes.

You turn, ready to sprint to your room, only to find it had been helpfully moved just beyond the West corridor.

You smile and push through, avoiding the evidence of your happy place, the place where you slept so soundly between your amazing girlfriends.

You were going to miss that so much.

You ignore this and run into the bathroom, yanking open the hamper and pulling out the book still waiting at the bottom, just as you had left it.

You waste no time, charging back into the console room and leaving the oak bedroom door swinging. You run right up to the doors and turn, taking in the beautiful orange interior one last time.

"Thank you" you say, hoping it's enough. Her resounding hum makes you want to cry.

"You need to leave the second I go, alright?" You say and she hums sadly in response.

"They can't follow me. They'll know I'm safe, I've put it all in the letter" you explain but she sounds doubtful.

"Look after my family for me, yeah?" You say.

The last thrum is sure and proud.

You exit before you can really begin to cry, closing the door behind you. You turn and watch her dematerialise for the last time. Tears of joy, you tell yourself.

You look up at your estate, apprehensive despite knowing Jay took your advice and left, probably freaked out by your sudden alive-ness.

This thought spurring you onwards, you make it all the way to your front door, not looking once at the car park.

The door is unlocked and you step in, finding it empty except for some cheap furniture. You walk slowly upstairs while fighting the flashbacks and push open your bedroom door.

You aren't sure what you expected, but it certainly wasn't this.

Not your bedroom identical to how you and Abi had left it over five years ago. Not the pictures of your mother (there were few pictures of yourself as a baby and none of Abi), not your sister's favourite stuffed bear, not the blanket your Nana knitted for you when you were born, and not the bookshelf you had placed all yours and Abi's favourite books on, all the way from childhood. That's where you place Melody Malone.

Sitting down on the bed, a neat cloud of dust rises, making your eyes water.

"Mum, Abi, I'm home" you whisper into the silence.

Of course, no one replies.