13 Novella 4

Pool

TW: drowning

Jenny hums slightly, brushing your hair and smiling weakly whenever she catches your eye. You would love to smile back, even to close your eyes in appreciation of the light strokes, but you remain frozen, staring blankly upwards on your bed.

You've become a sort of doll; they feed you and dress you, changing your sheets often and talking to you in gentle and clear tones so that nothing is too complicated.

They still all care so much, and you hate it.

You hate that you are a burden, that they won't turn from you in disgust, that they don't know what happened, and that they are still blindly dutiful.
You could scream with the frustration, but that is near impossible. Until it isn't.

The Doctor doesn't bother to lock the door, knowing you can no more move a muscle than leave, but one day you decide to test that. You are alone and it is the evening of your fourth week, and you are once again unbearably trapped in your own head.

It takes all your effort just to move your legs, then push them over the side of the bed and place your feet on the floor. The head rush makes you dizzy and disorientated, but you take a break then continue.

Standing, you sway and blink, feeing like one of the dead.

One foot. Then another, then another in front.

It's impossible, and crazy, but you're doing it.

Your muscles are already diminished and you are remarkably thinner, cheek bones sucked right in.

Breathing heavily you continue, leaning on the Tardis wall every couple of minutes for a break.

Recognising your determined location, the Tardis brings the room closer and you push open the door, knowing what you will find.

The water glows slightly, reflecting strange squiggles and patterns on the ceiling.

Taking another step, you hear a dull crash from the direction of the medbay. So they knew you were gone.

You continue to walk in a dream like state, not hesitating to step off the edge as though across flat ground and into the clear depths of the pool. You sink until you hit the bottom, remembering at the last minute to take a deep breath.

Your clothes hold you down which is useful, and your now permanent blank face twitches slightly into the hint of a smile.

Eyes closed and hands wrapped in your hair, you sit cross legged at the bottom of the pool and scream.

You scream as long and loud as you can, lungs burning as you take in some water, but you don't stop.

This is the first voluntary noise you've made in a month- you weren't about to stop when it felt so good.

When you finish you are beyond out of breath, and know you must head up to the surface. Only you are now over two meters deep, and fast dizzying.

You kick slowly, decidedly leaving it up to fate.

Apparently you aren't winning, for you feel strength leave you, and then you make the fatal mistake of sucking in a mouthful of water.

Choking and panicking, you begin to sink again, falling backwards in slow motion.

If it wasn't so painful you may not have even minded.

But now something warm wraps around each of your forearms, and you feel a dragging sensation as you are pulled towards the light. Your face breaks the surface but you are too tired to try to breathe.

"Doctor! Pull her up!" Yells Missy from your left, while Jenny paddles furiously on your right. A different pair of strong arms reach under you armpits and pull you clean from the water where you instantly collapse.

"Oh what have you done?" mutters The Doctor anxiously as you lie on the edge of consciousness, wet hair in a fan around your face, little droplets of water resting on your cheeks and eyelashes.

You hear the other women emerge on the side of the pool, gasping and wringing their clothes out as they throw themselves to your side.

"Is she breathing?" Demands Missy, and you feel The Doctor's warm blonde hair tickle your face as she bends over you to listen.

"She's breathing, but only just, Jenny hand me that" she says, and you feel something hard and plastic pushed over your face, then a whooshing sound, and the feeling of oxygen inflating your lungs.

"Stupid stupid stupid, we shouldn't have left her!" Says Missy vaguely in the background while Jenny scoots forward to hold your hand.

"Please wake up baby, wake up for me now" she says earnestly, and you feel your heart struggling as well as your lungs now.

"Come on angel, open those beautiful eyes" pleades Missy and you so want to obey.

"(Y/n) come on, wake up now" says The Doctor in much calmer tones, gently tapping your face.

With all of them silent and holding their breathes, you slowly blink and open your eyes, watching all three faces break into smiles.

"Welcome back my love" says Missy, and you squint against the harsh light.

You frown in question and fix on The Doctor who is shining a bright light in your eyes.

"Stop it you're blinding her, she's probably terrified" says Missy, swatting at the Time Lady irritably.

You go to push the mask off your face and are met with Jenny's warm hand placing it firmly back. You scowl and she laughs lightly.

"No leave it on my love" she says fondly and you let your arm drop. Feeling weak and exhausted, you lie back and close your eyes.

"Sleep now (Y/n), you're safe" you catch from The Doctor before you feel someone- Missy maybe -slip their hands under your drenched body and lift you close to their chest. Your head falls back, still covered by the mask, and you know you are moving.

You allow the soft and regular pace to rock you off to sleep.