13 Novella 4

Empty

TW: mentions of sexual assault

The door swings open almost immediately and you fully flinch at the sudden movement.

Keeping your head down you try to push past, only for someone to grab your hand and spin you round, staring at you in concern.

You pull away desperately and Jenny looks at you, hurt and confused.

"(Y/n)? What's wrong? What's happened?" She exclaims, and you feel all your strength leave you as you drop to your knees, face in your hands, and begin to cry.

She bends down to help but you whimper and crawl away, all fear restored.

"(Y/n)? Jenny? What going on?" Says Missy appearing from a corridor.

You cry harder, burying your head in your knees that are drawn up to your chest, hyperventilating and finally screaming at the top of your lungs, letting your pain echo around the room.

Missy runs and tries to hold you but you slap her away, screaming and yelling, feeling your throat burn. The tears flow like waterfalls and your face is hot and screwed up but you don't stop. You can't stop.

Your breathing quickens and you grab your hair, pulling at it furiously and banging your head on your knees.

"Get them away from me!" You scream and Jenny recoils.

"(Y/n) love what is it? Talk to us!" Says Missy in alarm but you are beyond reason.

"What's that noise?" Demands The Doctor, also appearing from down a corridor. She spots you and gasps at your state.

"Right, you two, out" she says sharply and they protest, but she is deadly serious. They leave against their will and she bends down, making you scream impossibly louder.

"Get it away from me!" You cry as she tries to talk to you over your screams.

"They're gone! You're safe, (Y/n) what happened? Did someone hurt you? Was it Missy?" She asks quickly and you shake your head.

Realising you were beyond reason she tries to make you breathe, something you were currently struggling with.

"I want you to breathe with me, breathe with me now" she says patiently and you make an effort, choking on your sobs.

She begins to count to four over and over again for the next ten minutes until you sit, hiccoughing and sobbing drily.

"Now, I want you to keep breathing like I showed you. You are safe and we are alone. I will not touch you, but I do need to know what happened" she says evenly while you don't respond.

"Did someone hurt you?" She asks and you don't reply. She takes that as a yes.

"Was it Missy?" she asks again, and you shake your head harder.

"Was it Jay?" She says quietly and you are suddenly still, terrified and frozen as you had been when he-

You can't even think the word.

"You went home" she says and you sniff in response.

"He attacked you"

You don't move.

"Did he... (Y/n) did he rape you?" She asks and you shake, suddenly back in the moment.

"I am... I am so sorry" she says, her voice breaking. You continue to sob, fists wound tightly in your hair.

"Can I check you over?" She asks and you squeeze your legs together.

"We can go to the medbay. I think you're hurt" she says, sitting on her hip beside you.

"Come on" she says, standing with no sudden movements. She sighs when you don't move, and offers you her hand.

You reject it and stand, swaying and broken inside.

She looks at you for a swift moment before leading you down a corridor. The Tardis has put the medbay closer for your convenience and you sit up on a bed, staring blankly ahead.

"I'm going to check your hand now" she says, and you wince as she tends to your broken fingers.

"I think these two are broken" she says, indicating your middle and ring fingers. She wraps them in tape and a bandage with a strong piece of plastic between them to keep them straight.

She does a couple of tests, talking you through it, making sure you knew way she was doing at all times.

"(Y/n)? I need to check you now" she says finally, and you knew it was coming. "I'm a Doctor. I promise, I promise I'll be quick" she says, and you lie back, knowing this was inevitable. You detach your mind further as she checks you before stepping back, laying a blanket over your gently.

"I think you're going to be alright. No lasting damage, but there will be some bruising" she says. You can't peg her voice. It sounds so distant.

"You're safe (Y/n)" she whispers as a single tear rolls down your cheek. "You didn't deserve any of this"

"I'm going to let you get some sleep" she says when you don't respond, but at this you sit up, suddenly terrified.

"Nothing can get through those doors, but I'll leave her in hyper space if it will make you feel better" she says, taking your blank look as a yes.

She looks at you for a long moment before she turns. You know what she is seeing, you caught a couple of glimpses when she touched you during the examination. You look so... empty.

"I take it back. You're not one of the bravest people I know. You are the bravest." She says before leaving.

The lights dim as she shuts the door, and you finally lean back. You shiver and pull the blanket over yourself.

You could still feel him on you.

You rise slowly and take a shower, wincing as you bother your injuries. You scrub yourself clean with your working fingers, washing over and over again to completely cleanse yourself.

You still feel dirty. And contaminated.

Exhausted, you fall back into bed and try to sleep.

Only every time you close your eyes you see him.

Tears pooling in your hair and ears, you won't let your eyes close tonight.