𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐬 ||𝐢𝐰𝐚𝐨𝐢||

23: lectures

[private chatroom with sweet.]

[sweet is online.]

[ace is online.]

suga:
what...

does that mean

talk to me

im sorry he forced you to say it

you must feel upset

iwaizumi:
of course im upset

my mood was shit to begin with

and now this

suga:
cmon talk to me

is it really...

hurting others?

are you like

physically

abusive?

iwaizumi:
no

no way

if i was abusive i would hate myself

its more of a

sadism thing i would say

as disgusting as it sounds

suga:
if u dont mind me asking

how does your addiction work?

iwaizumi:
causing pain

just makes my body make adrenaline

if there is a fight i can get into i will

if i see someone helpless i will help them

but i will fight

suga:
i see i see

so causing others pain

is what makes you

feel good

iwaizumi:
if i was a shit human being then i would probably be abusive

but i know how awful that is

though still

suga:
you said that u have dated but unsuccessfully

iwaizumi:
they were all okay when i told them

they said they like rough stuff

but i think

i might have stepped over the line for them

or i might have annoyed them by constantly coming back with bruises

from pointless fights

sorry im ranting

suga:
no its fine

i want to understand

and i think i do

you probably feel like you're in a trance and you just cannot resist the fight

have u tried doing something about this?

iwaizumi:
yeah but

it just always comes back

i hadn't hurt anyone in like two years at one point

then

i saw someone attacking a poor dog

and i just lost it

suga:
you're noble

but scary to others

im sorry kuroo forced you like that

when i saw i was very taken back myself

are you still meeting up with oikawa on the weekend?

iwaizumi:
i dont think he will want to see me

suga:
do me a favor

even if he does

don't meet him.

iwaizumi:
????

why?

suga:
im sorry i cannot say

i dont think you two should meet

ever

iwaizumi:
????????

suga:
trust me its for the best

anyway i gotta run.

[sweet is offline.]

iwaizumi:
you say you understand

and then u tell me to not meet with oikawa ever

conflicting statements

im not gonna hurt him

i couldnt

he's just

too important to me

and now im scared

of what hes gonna think of me

oh....

he texted me.

suga

im sorry.

i dont think i can follow through with your request.

and thank you for understanding.
[sent.]