Beyond Her Abstraction

Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15
Give Up

Phthalo

The unexpected encounter of Dr. Ladi and that dark and deep-eyed girl bombarded the hospital and the minds of the people who were there. Rumors are encircling around. I can hear various speculations relating to that incident but I chose not to give a damn. People just want something to talk about as some sort of entertainment. The worst thing is, sometimes it leads to the fabrication of the truth.

I shut my ears. I don't want to recognize any of those stupid hearsays and assumptions. I won't believe anything unless I find out the real story.

Una pa lang, I can sense something wrong with that old woman. The way she looked at Alizarin, the way she smirked in front of the girl, the way she talked... there is something wrong. Things became weird when the girl instilled in her place when the doctor went out from Sir Sebbastien's room. But it became even weirder when the doctor started spouting out of the hella fucking world words.

Halos hindi magawang higupin ng utak ko ang mga pinagsasabi ng matanda. Hindi ko magawang intindihin. Baka dahil na rin sa hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa pagitan nila.

I just stayed there with the two boys beside me with a creased forehead. I just stayed there with no plans to interrupt because I am not in the right place to do so. I just stayed there...

Alizarin was shivering. Her eyes were burning just like how they burned during the exhibit when I took a shot of her.

When she turned around and looked at me, her eyes shortly went back to its blank stare but I can feel the loneliness that those eyes carry. It must be heavy but they won't burst. They kept on holding on and hiding its vulnerability. As usual, she's damn resisting to let it all out but her eyes couldn't lie that she's hurting so bad. I fucking hate it.

Bumubuo ang intensidad sa dibdib ko habang sinasalo niya ang mga lait at masasakit na salita mula sa matandang doktora. Nagulat na lang ako nang bigla siyang tumigil sa paglalakad at matapang na hinarap ang babae. She stood straight with that red but still intimidating face. She fiercely threw words with her modulated voice though it sounded like it would crack anytime. But I am glad that she did it. I am glad that she fired back.

Yet, she still kept on shaking. I know I just could not just simply stand there without doing anything. I was uncomfortable as hell by seeing her hurting. Putangina. Nasasaktan din ako.

I badly want to grab her arm and pull her away from the sight of the old woman. I was actually about to do it. But damn, I did fucking not. My bestfriend was already there, tapping the girl's shoulder. I swear to god, I hated Mauve for stepping in before I could do anything.

Muli't muling binibigkas ng doktora ang tungkol sa pagkamatay ng mga magulang ni Alizarin. She was pouring all the blame and guilt to the girl. If that's the case, it's possible that the girl lived carrying that hatred and blame. Ngunit sa unang tingin ay hindi aakalain ninuman na may tinatago siyang gano'n. Hindi aakalaing mababaw ang luha. Hindi aakalaing sa simpleng mga salita at dahilan lang ay manginginig siya nang gano'n. She has that strong facade but she's fragile inside.

Kahit ano pang pagpapasama ng doktora sa babae ay hindi ko siya magawang husgahan. I am not in the right place to judge. I do not know her history. Habang ang ibang tao ay inaantabayanan ang sagutan ng dalawa, I focused more on the emotions of that intimidating girl. By seeing her that way, I got to see her soul. I got to see the real her. And I want to delve deeper and deeper in her.

I focused on her too much to the point that when she walked away from her spot, I didn't have a chance to care about other people witnessing the show. I chased her.