Beyond Her Abstraction

Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6
Her Eyes

Phthalo

"You know what is the most hurtful thing I have heard as an artist?"

Mr. Crisanto Dela Paz, an infamous portrait artist, asked on the stage. In a white polo shirt and black slack, one can feel his tranquility. His grip on the microphone tightened as he look at the eyes of each one of us in the hall.

"That's when I finished my first ever portrait artwork and a child came to me then he said, "Kuya, hindi naman kamukha.""

Umugong ang ingay ng may halong sakit at kalungkutan sa hall. I know that everyone had an experience like this one. Even those masters of arts. They were all amateur before. Hindi naman lahat magaling agad sa mga bagay na kani-kanilang ginagawa. It takes a lot of patience and determination to master a thing. Gayunpaman, bilang isang mangguguhit, masakit para sa amin ang sabihang hindi kamukha ng taong ginuguhit namin ang gawa namin. Let's be real, hindi maiiwasan 'yon.

Though, I myself understand that I still need to improve. I take it as motivation. I bet that's what other artists do too. We appreciate criticisms with sense because that's how we would know where we lack. It's just that... we're not robots. Minsan kasi kahit na alam mong para iyon sa ikabubuti mo, masasaktan ka pa rin. But that pain should not be the reason to stop. It should serve as a motivation to strive for the better.

The hall is filled with monoblock chairs with white cloth covers. In front is a small but wide stage where the speaker stands with a huge projector screen on his back.

My friends and I are sitting on the right side near the front to have better view.

"I was hurt that time. Nagduda ako sa sarili ko. Sabi ko ayaw ko nang mag-drawing. Parang hindi naman kasi ako magaling. Iyon ang sabi ng bata, eh... " he paused for a while, "sabi pa naman nila, kids don't lie." Napuno ng tawanan ang bulwagan. Tumawa rin si Mr. Dela Paz at sinapo ang noo.

"Akala ko noong una masyadong seryoso 'tong speaker, ngayon parang hindi naman," bulong ni Cerulean. Van, his brother, is silently sitting on his side.

"You judge people easily," sabat ni Mauve at itinutok ang atensyon sa speaker.

"Naisip ko na talagang hindi na magdrawing noon pero noong nakita iyon ng kakilala ko sa school, sabi niya, "hala, ang galing!"" Napuno ng buhay ang bulwagan. "Ako naman, masyado akong na-overwhelm sa sinabi niya. Hindi pa kasi kami sobrang close noon tapos pinuri niya ang gawa ko. Sa simpleng salitang 'yon ako nagkaroon ng inspirasyon na ipagpatuloy ang nasimulan ko."

Sometimes, it's the people you don't know that make you feel motivated. Their praises are pure. No judgment and insecurity.

"Dahil lang sa simpleng salitang 'yon mula sa isang taong hindi ko lubos na kilala, nagkaroon ako ng pag-asa at tiwala sa sarili. Nagtiwala ako sa sarili ko na may kakayahan ako at mas gagaling pa ako kung ipupursige ko pa ang ginagawa ko. And now at the age of 30... I was recognized as one of the greatest portrait artist in the Philippines," pagpapatuloy niya.

Nagpalakpakan ang mga tao sa loob ng bulwagan. Smiles are plastered on their faces. Kahit hindi mo kilala ang tao, once he tell the story of his success, you will feel proud.

"When kaya." Si Lean.

"Well, it is important that we believe in ourselves. Kasi kung hindi tayo maniniwala sa sarili natin, sino?" muling pagsasalita ni Mr. Dela Paz. "But sometimes, we could not deny that praises from other people make us more motivated. Nagaganahan kang magpatuloy dahil alam mong may naniniwala sa'yo."

Napabaling ako sa kabilang bahagi ng bulwagan kung saan matikas na nakaupo ang babae. With dark eyes and crossed-arms, diretso lang siyang nakatingin sa speaker na parang walang inaalalang ibang bagay. At the sudden, her head turned towards my direction kaya iniwas ko agad ang tingin ko.