Beyond Her Abstraction

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2
Frustration

Phthalo

"Pre, pintor ako pero hindi ko maipinta 'yang mukha mo ngayon." Tumigil sa paglalakad ang kasama ko nang maramdanang tumigil din ako sa gitna ng tinatahak naming daan papunta sa venue.

Hindi ko siya sinagot.

My eyes and hands are on my phone. Contemplating on what to answer to this damn message.

"Sino 'yan? Si Lilian? Baliw pa rin sa'yo, 'no?" Akma siyang sisilip sa telepono ko nang siniko ko ang mukha niya. Umiwas naman siya agad kaya hindi siya natamaan.

Sininghalan ko siya at tamad na ibinaba ang cellphone. "Hindi."

"Bakit hindi mo kasi patulan 'yon, pre? Mag-aapat na taon na 'yong nagkakandarapa sa'yo." Muli siyang naglakad at ganoon din ako.

"I like someone else," simple at mahinahon kong sagot nang kahit papaano ay tumahimik na siya, "at hindi 'to si Lilian."

"Oh, sino 'yan? Bago mo?"

"Bro, shut the fuck up," inis kong bulyaw sa kaniya. Kanina pa siya daldal nang daldal. Mas lalo lang umiinit ang ulo ko.

"Oh, easy lang, pare. Curious lang naman." Mahina siyang natawa at napailing.

"Baka tsismoso lang."

He cracked up. "Hindi ah."

Kunot-noo kong sinilip muli ang cellphone na nasa kamay ko. I read the text again. The text that made me feel awful and irritable early this morning.

Sender:

How about you attend some business classes habang summer pa?

That text came from my mother. She's still pushing me to get a degree in business though I'm already in my third year in fine arts.

Me:

Mom, you know I can't. I'm having an exhibit now.

Mabilis na tumunog ang cellphone ko.

Sender:

Wala kang mapapala sa pinanggagawa mo, Phthalo. Why don't you listen to us? Until when would you waste your time on nonsense things? Who would take care of our resorts when we are gone?

Napapikit ako ng mata. I try to be calm everytime we're talking about this topic. I don't want to hurt my mother in any way possible. I want to make them happy but I just can't do what they want me to do.

I don't like business. Wala talaga akong interes do'n. Wala akong maintindihan sa mga pinanggagawa nilang transaction. I don't want to surround myself with big people with big names and with big ambitions like they want to take over the world. I want to live a simple life. Besides, my heart belongs to art. The art makes me feel alive. This is what I enjoy and love to do.

My family owns not just a business but an empire. Handling it would mean, I have to dump my art career. I understand that they want a progressive life for me that's why they want me to follow their paths and pursue business but without art, my life is not worth-living at all. I just can't... I can't live for something I don't love.

Isiniksik ko sa bulsa ng aking jeans ang cellphone ko. I am getting tired of explaining myself to her and to my father. They won't understand me because they refuse to see the value of what I do. They just stick to what they believe. It's suffocating. They will probably never understand so what's the point of explaining anyway?

"Tessa will be here."

"Ah?" I looked him sideward like his question didn't ring the bell at all.