Beyond Her Abstraction

Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5
Confusing

Phthalo

Nagising ako nang naramdaman ko ang pagtama ng mainit na sikat ng araw sa aking mukha. Nararamdaman kong tanghali na ngayon pero parang wala akong sapat na lakas para bumangon.

I tried hard to open my eyes but it was so hard to do. Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko at parang gusto na lang matulog dito maghapon pero hindi pwede. Hindi pwede dahil ngayong araw na mismo ang exhibit.

This is the company dinner's fault. I knew it. That would make me feel wasted but I could not stop myself last night at napadami ang inom ko. Damn, why is it so hard to control myself these days?

I lifted my weight and rubbed my eyes, hoping it would perish some tiredness of it. I put aside the white cloth that covers my body. Dumako ang tingin ko sa katawan ko. I am not wearing anything but boxers. I probably felt so hot last night that I came to this point now in the morning.

"In fact, I like him..."

Halos maubusan ako ng hininga nang marinig ko 'yon. Is she serious? Kakikita pa lang namin at ilang beses pa lang kaming nagkausap, gusto na niya agad ako? I mean, I met other girls before who confessed to me kahit na isang araw pa lang kaming magkasama but this girl... hindi halata sa mukha niyang ganiyan siya kabilis mahulog! I know, I look good but this is crazy.

"He really cares for his artwork. I would like to be friends with him."

That's all I thought until she spitted out those words.

Fuck! Hiyang-hiya ako sa sarili ko. I couldn't look at her the whole time. She would sometimes look at me but I could not meet her deep eyes straight. Damn, she's really making me feel uncomfortable with myself. I hate it.

Binuhos ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa inumin. And now, look at my state.

There is no hint of sincerity in her eyes when she said she wants to be friends with me. I doubt that it's true. I cannot imagine her being my friend. Siguradong mag-aaway lang kami lagi. We cannot even have stable and good communication. It's always sarcastic, ambiguous, and intense. I wonder how would it be possible.

She's not the type that I would want to hang out with. She's not sweet, she's boring. We have a lot of differences. I don't think we will click. But, man, I can't understand myself for thinking about this shit too much.

"Argh!" I messed up my hair which is already in a mess. "Why the hell am I thinking about her so much these days?!"

Natauhan lang ako nang narinig kong nag-ring ang cellphone kong nasa side table. I hurriedly picked it up and saw it was my mother.

"Hello, mom?" I answered the call with a coarse voice.

"Phthalo... why do you sound like that, iho?" puno ng pag-alala niyang tanong. "Kagigising mo lang ba? It's already 8:30 in the morning."

"Just overslept," pagsisinungaling ko.

"Oh, okay," she paused a while. "Your dad and I are still here on a business trip. You can come over, iho."

"Mom... I have an exhibit, remember?"

Hindi pa rin talaga sila sumusuko sa pagkukumbinsing sumunod ako sa yapak nila. Parents of the other artists reportedly will be there in the exhibit except mine. Now that I am having this milestone in my life, it's still the business that they are thinking of.

"Hay. I really have to get you a girlfriend who will take you away from that thing that you do."

I let out a long sigh and settled my back on the white mattress again. That call ended but it did not get any better.