The Missing Soul

What is life?

        He was going to check on May today. Leland got all dressed up and even put on some cologne. She seemed depressed lately. Now when he was around her she sat quietly and stared in a daze. The knowledge of what her life is was hurting her, confusing her. 

        When he got to her house he said his greetings to her mom and she allowed him to go upstairs. May was lying on her bed facing away from the door.

        "Hey, love." Leland sat by May's feet.

        She just smiled faintly. She didn't look like the usual May. She looked drained, like she didn't sleep at all. Her eyes looked red from crying. 

        "May, what's the matter?"

        I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear. I had to shake her and ask her again what was wrong. 

        "I have only two choices." 

        "What?" 

        "I talked to Paul-

        She knew I was about to cut her off with questions like "Why? How? Where? When?" She explained furthermore.

        "I went to ask questions. You and I don't know if he has some real answers for this. After all the stuff he said, I'm only left with two choices." She whispered quietly. Her eyes kept moving back from the door to him. She was paranoid her mom would hear.

        "What did he say?" 

        "Well, he knows what actions I'll make before I do them. He knows the outcome of my actions. Do you? Do you remember every life you lived?"

        Leland's eyes dropped to his limp hands in his lap. No, don't remember. I'm aware there's missing memories. They were a living legends. Leland remembered the book he read about legends. 

       

        After Annabelle died, Stanley found a book. The book was in a building called "Ethel's Books." Ethel was an old, old woman. She had long, gray and big, curly hair. She had a long nose and moles on her face. Ethel resembled a witch. 

        It seemed that the book was just screaming to Stanley. It sat in the bookstore, at the end of the shelf, very bottom. It was a big book, filled with lots of paper, and the cover was brown and in gold letters read "Folklores and Legends." Stanley read the book right there in the store. He sat at a chair by the shelf. 

        The book was filled with different fairytales and many legends told for thousands of years. Almost four pages from the end Leland ran across a page, "Forbidden Lovers." It had little black and white sketches, renacting what the words read.

        "A love triangle. Two men lose, one woman lost. The happy ending that was never meant to be, the never ending cycle of new lives born and gone. One girl can't accept her true fate, she tries to change it and never suceeds. There is no sucession. Every time she is reborn it is another chance, a chance to live the way she is supossed to. There is no ending unless she stops it, FATE NEVER CHANGES."

        The words chilled him. He knew of the man she left behind in America. The man who loved her, the man who said, "She's my woman, not yours!" It seemed after Stanley and Annabelle settled in, decided to make their own family.... As soon as we got comfortable, she was gone. Never found, no explaination. 

        Stanley never found his wife. All he had was the locket with a wedding picture of him and Annabelle. When people of the town seen Stanley go into Ethel's Books and buy a big book, they began to suspect he practiced witchcraft. No one could ever explain what happened to Annabelle except she disappeared. Stanley and his wife were foreigners, unknown. 

        The little house Stanley and Annabelle lived in was burned down , the people of the town thought they killed Stanley. He managed to make it out the back window and into the woods. He ran and ran and didn't look back. Now all he really did have was the locket. 

        

        Leland knew he sure as hell couldn't predict May's doings. He didn't even have an idea on how she would think of him if he told her the truth about everything. 

        "No, I can't remember some lives. No, I dont know what things you'll do. What are the choices, May?" Leland had some type of feeling what the choices were, he didn't want to actually have his worst thoughts confirmed. 

        "I have to keep going on with this never-ending cycle of us becoming nothing. Or live unhappily with Paul." A tear rolled down her cheeck. 

        Leland didn't care what May decided. All he wanted was her to be happy. Yeah, it sounded corny, but it was true. His worst thoughts were confirmed; He could never have May, not in the way him and her wished for. 

        "I'm afraid, Leland. Afraid of living this over and over again, not knowing the truth. Afraid for how my mother in this life will feel when she can't find her daughter. Afraid of knowing the truth and not being able to change it. Still, I'm so afraid of living a life that doesn't make me happy, and not being able to choose my own happy ending." 

        More tears spilled out of May's eyes. Leland held May's hand to his heart and May looked into his eyes.

        "I won't be upset with the choice you make. I want you to be happy. I know you can't pick the ending you want, but you can pick the ending that you want to live with."

        Leland had no idea what choice May would decide to go with. However, Leland knew he wouldn't care. He felt life isn't worth living without May as his wife. He knew no matter what happened, if she went with Paul or forgot about him and killed herself all over again, May would always have Leland's heart whether she knew it or not. 

        What about God, Leland thought. A God that did this to people's life was coldhearted, cruel. Maybe there was no higher power in the heavens, maybe there was no such thing as faith. Is this all life is? A big joke with hard choices you have to make? Well, what about everyone else in this world? Did they live some living legend, too? Or was Paul, May, and I the only one playing a part in this cruel sharade. If there was a God, Leland wanted him to know that he had lost all faith. Leland lost everything just in that very moment. His faith, joy, hope. All he wanted was May and he couldn't have her, so what was the point of being happy? None. No point at all.