The Distance Between Our Love

Noah.

7:15 a.m.
My mind is running in circles. For the past 10 years I've longed to see the day I'd hold Vera. The moment is here, although, its not how I imagined.
I keep picturing the moments of last night. Her sobs, her cries, her screams. My hearts racing. Vera had cried herself to sleep, I never knew she had felt that way. The pain within her eyes as she stared at me from across the room. I could tell she tried her hardest not to lose it in front of me, not to let out what had been bottled up. The moment I had wrapped my arms around her, I could feel her sorrows, she buried her face in my sweatshirt and sobbed for hours. She had let out what I could tell had been held in for a while.
I was her comfort zone. For once, it wasn't somebody else, It was me. Me. For years I've loved her. Ive been IN love with her, only her. I long for the day she will pick me, not Greyson.
The sun starts to peek in through my bedroom blinds, Vera has been asleep for 3 hours, though it seems as if it were centuries. I cant find myself to wake her, so instead I watch her sleep. So peaceful, comforted. I can tell lately she's lacked.
She isnt herself. I mean, yes, she's the girl I love, and she's her, but she isn't normal. Somethings off. The bags under her eyes, reflect the little sleep she has, or the texts she sends me at 2am, asking if I'm still awake. No matter how many times I ask her, I know she'll deny any and everything. She's not okay, but everybody seems to think she is. Even Liz, her own mother cant see it. They're all blinded by her beautiful smile. I can tell they're fake.
She hasn't eaten much, usually its because she's 'Not Hungry' or 'Fasting.' She wears baggy clothes. That isn't her. if i know anything, its that Vera absolutely hates baggy clothes outside of her house. The girl has been obsessed with fashion since we were in the 7th grade. She's been making excuses not to hang out. Most of the time its because Greyson tells her she cant. Ive never really liked him. Almost a month ago I watched him grab her. I couldn't say anything, I felt so useless. I'm ashamed I didn't say anything. I should have spoke up. I should have fought for her. We were hanging out at the diner downtown. We've gone there with our families together since we were four. She had just gotten back in town after a long vacation. I sat at the table and waited inside for her, when she finally showed up. She was wearing a yellow sun dress, it had highlighted her tanned skin, her late summers glow. Ive never seen her wear it, I asked her if it was new. She smiled. Her smile, so bright and warm. Every time I see it I feel as if the world stops. My heart beats for her. This was the day I had planned on telling her. Instead, she had talked about a boy she had met on the train home. Greyson. The way she described him, It was like the way I describe her. Perfect. She seemed genuinely happy, I don't know whats happened since then. She ordered a chocolate shake and fries, per usual. I payed, she thanked me. Before leaving I insisted my jacket, it was chilly outside, cloudy day, she took my offer. It looked amazing on her, when we had gotten up, I took her hand and twirled her, her face had lit up, until she looked at her phone, a call from Greyson. She stepped outside for a moment to take it, I could hear him yelling from a couple of feet away. It wasn't my place. I didn't say a word, though I wish I had. In the parking lot I waited in my car and watched her stand by the door, looking around nervously for Greysons car to pull in. When it finally had he had got out and started to scream at her. She was terrified In those moments she needed me. I couldn't be there for her. I wasn't. That will forever haunt me. I couldn't hear what they were arguing about, I just knew it was getting intense. She turned, looking for my car to still be there, I assumed. He grabbed her wrist angrily. That was the moment I hated him. I don't care who he was, or how good of a person he could possibly be. he hurt the woman I love most. She finally got in the car and they drove off.
To this day I still feel guilty, maybe if I could have helped her, I could be the person that kisses her Good morning, or who holds her, but for now, she isn't mine to hold. Ill never give up On Vera. I love her. I don't care how many years it takes her to finally realize that I'm the one. I'm the person she's meant to spend her life with, I'll make sure that happens, no matter how long it takes. if I died waiting for her to love me, then at least I Could say I died with a life purpose. That purpose is to make sure she's happy, even if it isn't with me.
I'm staring at the ceiling, the sun creeping through. I look down at Vera, checking to make sure she's still alright, she's still comfortable, she's still here. I never want this moment to end.
" Mmmmm..." She groaned, I could tell she was tired. Her grip on me had tightened, she squeezed me, I couldn't tell if she was even aware she was doing it, perhaps not.
" Vera.. I have to breathe-" I'd joke.
She jerked up, staring at me.
" Oh- Oh my god- Noah! I am so sorry- I don't know what happened-" Our eyes had met, fear in her eyes.
" Relax, Its alright. I was just kidding." I stared at her. Even when she doesn't try. She's gorgeous. How could she not see this?
" No- No! I meant like- We- Were in the same bed-!"She crawled out of the bed and started to pace around my bedroom.
" Vera..You're alright, Its not like anything happened."
"..."
" Vera. Breathe." My head moved, my eyes following around the room, back and fourth, back and fourth.
" You don't understand." She mumbled.
" Explain to me, what am I Missing here, Ver? We didn't do anything. We fell asleep. Well- You fell asleep. You didn't do anythi-"
" I'm a horrible person!! Greysons going to ask why I wasn't home and when I told him I was with you- He- I-.." She stopped, a terrified glance shot at me.
" Vera. Breathe. I'm sure he'll understand." The same girl that had talked about this sweet boy at the diner was standing in front of me terrified of him? Something didn't add up.
" No! No he wont!!" She started to gather her belongings, showing them in her backpack frantically.
I got up, walking over to her. I hugged her, she flinched, and stood there hesitantly for a moment, then she had hugged me back. A mark. A purple mark outlined the back of her neck, it faded down into her shirt, I couldn't look past it. I couldn't see how big it was, how far it had stretched. I couldn't tell if it was a shadow or a bruise, the half sun-lit room wasn't bright enough yet.
" Now Vera, You're scaring me. Please tell me You're alright?" She nodded as usual. I didn't mention the mark, hoping it was all a misunderstanding.
" Now, Do you need me to drive you home?"
" N- no- If Greyson asks, I was never here." She stormed off. I wanted to chase after her, Hold her close, but at-last I knew I couldn't. I laid back down, staring at the ceiling, hoping if I had wished hard enough her head would still be on my chest.
I sat there thinking about it. The dinner. He grabbed her wrists. She doesn't sleep, eat. She hasn't been the same. The mark. The flinch. I'm slowly putting the pieces together.