The Distance Between Our Love

Vera.

5:49 pm, October 14th, 2014
I waited in my windowsill, a comfortable seat my father had put in when I was 5, In between two large bookshelves, then a window seat, on the opposing side of the room my bed sat, a white cotton comforter. The side walls, painted grey, had pictures, many of which consisted of Noah and I, school pictures, softball photos, baby pictures. Our childhood. Our memories.
I stared at the pictures, wondering if it were true, had Noah and I's parents waited for this day to come? Were they the ones that gave us that little push? How could I not notice? 10 Years ago my best friend had fell in love with me. For the past 10 years he's been in love with me, Ive been completely clueless. Blind. Ignorant. Had I hurt Noah by not noticing?
Noah opened the door, popping his head in.
" Hey so uh- I talked to your mom- and uhm- I was wondering if that date could be next weekend? Our yearly lake trip? My parents would be thrilled to bring you along!"
" Oh- Sure! I don't mind, anything is fine, really. I'm not a picky person!" I replied.
His smile widened.
" Great, Ill call you in the morning?"
I nodded.
" Goodnight!" His voice softened, the voice I had loved most. The comforting voice.
" Goodnight!"
He shut the door, walking back down the stairs.
I could hear him downstairs, talking to my mother, his voice echoed.
I couldn't help but think; Had I hurt Noah?
Maybe he was so upset when I hadn't allowed him to break things off with Greyson for me, was because he  saw past my smiles. He understood me more than anybody has ever understood me. He just gets me. He sees through me, he doesn't just see my smile, or my laugh, he sees my heart. I still hadn't even known if I Loved the man. How could I? Ive known about his crush for a day. Is it possible to fall in love with somebody in a day? Is that what I'm feeling? Love? Or guilt? Do i feel guilty for not noticing? Am I forcing myself into this, simply because I don't want to ruin this friendship? Did I Love him before, I just couldn't admit it?
My head feels Heavy.
My heart aches.
I'm exhausted.
I stand, walking to the bed, accept I cant walk. Even standing is a challenge. I fell strait to the floor, unable to move, unable to speak. Everything went blank.

. . .
8;21 pm
I woke up in my bed, everything was quiet. I looked around, confused, I hadn't put myself here, under the covers. I was neatly tucked into the bed, somebody clearly moved me. I fell asleep on the floor and woke up in my bed, weird. I sit up, spotting a folded paper sitting on my window seat. I get up, slowly walking over to it. I read it.
Vera,
I walked back up to say one last goodbye before I left, I found you on the floor. I'm unsure if you fainted or fell asleep, but either way, I love you. Feel better. -Love, Noah.
That makes sense now. Noah was the one who had placed me there. I walk back over to my bed, catching a glance  of myself in the mirror. I stop, staring at myself. I was small. I hate it. I hate me. How could this have happened? Why couldn't I eat?
Instead of laying back down, I walk down to the kitchen, hoping I'll find something, anything.
All the lights are off, my mother is asleep I presume. I open the fridge, looking around for something. My head feels heavy, walking is such a struggle, I cant even carry my own body weight anymore.
I grab an apple from the fridge, hoping this would clear the Pitt in my stomach. I struggle to eat half, but I continue. Part of me knows that If I couldn't even eat half of an apple, that things we're bad, so I continued, forcing myself even when I had felt like throwing up. I was determined to convince myself everything was fine, It wasn't all fine. I wasn't fine,
I want to tell Noah how I feel. I want to open up to him about my problems, like I usually do, But that would require him to worry. I fear if he finds out he'd be concerned. He would look over me more often to make sure I was eating, to make sure I was okay. That would make him forget everything he had planned, just to hold me close, to guarantee I didn't feel alone, which, I did want, but I couldn't do that to him, so instead, I simply decided I would tell no one. I feel even more sick now, instead of the feeling going away, now I feel both nauseous and sick. I lay down, in hopes all of this will burgs away by morning, maybe I ate something bad, or I just have a cold? Either way, I don't want to worry Noah.