The Distance Between Our Love

Vera.

3;45 am, March 30th, 2016.
It all had happened so quickly. Why couldn't I be there for him? Its all my fault.
My mind runs in circles, I killed him. I killed that man. I'm a murderer.
How did this happen?
How could I do this?
I killed Greyson.
The blood is on my hands. LITERALLY. I'm Guilty.
. . .
1;29 am, 2 hours earlier.
My apartment is dark, Greysons pounding on the door. I kicked him out last week. He wants back in. I refuse to let him hurt me any longer. I refuses to be his rag doll. So instead, every night this week I hear him scream, aggressively beat my door, Friday my neighbors had called the cops, he was escorted out of the building.
Tonight was different. Tonight it was harder than before, as if it were just a warning the other nights. Tonight, he wanted in.
" LET. ME. IN. VERA." His fist had beat the door, harder and harder every minute. I guess my neighbors didn't hear, maybe they did, Maybe they had learned by now that Greyson was a man you should fear, not one to mess with.
I ignored him, cutting up a ripened apple. I'm finally doing better, I can eat more, not very much, but its a step up. Ever since Noah left I've really been struggling. Every time I glance down the scale reads less and less.
Everything got quiet, no more pounding, no more screaming. No more yelling. I peeked through my peephole of my apartment door, nothing. It seemed as if it were safe to look out, I dragged the overhead door lock, unlocking the door. I grabbed the handle, about to open the door, just as Greyson pushed his way in. I fell to the floor, forced back by the door.
He met my eyes, the hairs on the back of my neck stuck up, a chill rushing down my spine.
He was inside my apartment now, grabbing anything in reach, throwing it my direction. I managed to get to my feet, running to the living room, closer to the kitchen.
He grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back, I kicked his gut, he released me, refraining back in pain. I sprinted to the kitchen, looking for my phone. I needed the police. I scrambled around. Time was running out. I was too slow. He caught up to me. He grabbed me, spinning me around, we were eye to eye. He grabbed me by my throat, slamming me into the counter, then the fridge. He choked me, lecturing me.
"You do as I say. Do you hear me??"
I didn't respond. I couldn't. I couldn't breath, let alone talk.
"DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
He slammed me into the fridge once again, I hit my head, closing my eyes in pain.
My eyes darted around, looking for something, anything to get this man off of me. I needed air. I kicked, I punched, I hit, I couldn't do anything to get out from under this man. I was pinned, choked against the wall. There was nothing I could do.
My eyes laid upon the knife on the counter, if I wouldn't get air within these next few moments, I'd die, I'm sure of it. I didn't think, I threw myself forward, it was perfectly within reach. With all of my force I had pulsed it into his chest.
He silently crumbled to the floor.
I gasped for air. I had never missed a feeling more than this.
I was breathing.
I was living.
I was okay.
After a couple of seconds I was back to my feet, able to proceed on, until I looked at my feet. I realized what I had just done, I fell to the floor, holding the bleeding gap that rested on his chest.
" Greyson- I- I- I am so sorry- I- I didn't mean to- I Just-"
The knife was a couple feet away, covered in a thick liquid layer of red.
I held his chest, trying to stop the blood from gaping out of his chest. It didn't stop.
His shirt instantly dyed red, a puddle of his own blood. It outlined the stab marking within his chest.
He reached his hand up slowly, touching the blood that pooled on his stomach. He brought his fingers into seeing distance. He stared at them, realizing he was bleeding, and all that had just happened.
"I-i- I- I- I'm d-d-d-y-dying." He whispered, his breath was shaken and distraught.
His breathing slowed, his eyes slowly shutting.
" Greyson please! Keep your eyes open! One more minute- P-please!!" I begged.
He looked up at me, evil within his daze, he could barley keep his eyes open, he kept zoning out.
That's when it happened, he took a deep, steady breath, then simply, stopped. His heart, which was weakly beating in his chest, had stopped. His eyes, which he fought to keep open, shut.
He was dead.
I sat there, staring at him, screaming for help, hoping somebody would hear me. It felt as if everybody was hundreds of miles away. Why couldn't they hear me? Was I Invisible?
I had to do something. I couldn't sit here over his body. Maybe he could be saved. Maybe he still had a chance, he didn't have to die.
I sobbed, trying to hold myself together. I grabbed his shoulders, using as much of my strength as I possibly could. Thankfully my apartment was on the first floor, 8 doors in, then the lobby at the end of the hallway, which a 24 hour, rotating shift lobby keeper had always patrolled over.
I dragged him, he had to weigh three times I do. It took forever, I turned around, realizing we had left a blood trail down the hallway. I continued to drag him, once I reached the double doors I took a sigh of relief and dropped him. By this point, he was cold, his body was pale, his skin so veiny. I sprinted to the front desk, my nightclothes and hands drenched in blood.
" SOMEBODY HELP ME!" A uniformed man ran around the counter, running out to assist me. I was still crying.
" Miss?? Are you alright ?!" His eyes fixed upon me, staring at the blood on my hands. He grabbed his earpiece, calling for security on the first floor.
" N-o- H- He- he- He's dead!!" I sobbed harder.
" Miss, Who is? Who is dead? Where are they at??!" He questioned me, confused on the situation.
I Pointed to the door, Greysons blue-tinted, lifeless body was laying on the doorframe.
The man looked over at the door, not noticing Greyson.
" Ma'am there is nobody right there."
" T- T- the f-floor." I managed to stutter.
His eyes lowered, noticing the body on the floor.
His face drew blank, he had seen a dead body, just as I had, except the difference between me and this man is; I had killed him, he hadn't, he had just saw the pulse less body on the ground.
An officer ran around from the corner, approaching us.
"Mr. Jones, You called security?" He looked In-between me and the lobby keeper, he stopped, taking a second look on my bloodstained clothes.
" B- Body-" The lobby keeper had stutter, pointing over at Greyson.
The officer ran over, I watched as he officially presumed Greyson as dead. For good. There was no bringing him back. He was dead. I had killed him. Murder. I had Murdered Greyson.
I couldn't stand Any longer, my throat ached, I could barley speak. Everything became a blur, I fell to my knees in the middle of the lobby, sobbing. Cries and Desmond escaped my body.
Multiple officers had ran into the building, the security guard had called for backup. One of which, walked over to me, assisting me out to his car. I wasn't in trouble. Yet.
My mind went blank. I was sitting in a police car, being rushed to the hospital, Greysons body was behind us in an ambulance. The sirens didn't wail. There was no emergency. they were too late. He was dead.
Greyson was dead.
Pulseless.
Lifeless.
I didn't love him, but he died thinking I did. That will forever haunt me. He will forever haunt me.
The way his face blanked after realizing I had stabbed him, or when he realized he was dying.
The car came to a halt. We were there.
The second I stepped out of the car, my mother ran over from the hospital entrance, she was called here. I couldn't hug her back, I couldn't stand strait. I couldn't talk. I couldn't cry. Greyson was dead. because of me. All because of me. It was all my fault. I Killed him.Greyson might be the dead one here, but I feel dead. I'm a walking corpse.
My mother stood back, I almost fell, I caught my balance. The sirens from other emergence vehicles in the background Blared. I couldn't hear anything other than them, everything felt so distant. My mother, the officers, the building. I felt like I wasn't in my body.
" I called Noah, he's on his way, he will be here in a few hours." I couldn't hear her, instead I stared at the ground, completely lost. I was right here, beside her, but I felt galaxies away, worlds apart. Mine was crumbling. My world was falling to its feet, the buildings and future toppling to the ground. I wanted to scream, to cry, I couldn't. My throat burned, I couldn't yell, I couldn't talk.
Something firm grabbed my shoulder, my mother. She pulled me over to the car, I refused. I shoved her away.
I couldn't leave. Not until I saw him one last time. I can't leave. Not yet. I ran over to the ambulance, a sheet ran overtop of him. I needed one more look, one last goodbye.
I ran, but I had made no progress, I was being held back by multiple officers. I couldn't see him. I couldn't say goodbye. that was all taken from me, just like a life was taken from him.
I'm sorry Greyson.
I'm sorry Josh.
I'm sorry Caroline.
I cant imagine their faces when they heard the news, I killed their child. Their baby was dead. All because of me. The blood was on my hands.
My mother had finally gotten ahold of me, shoving me in the car so she could drive me to the station.
Before we could go home, before I could wash the blood off I had to be questioned. On what? The fact that I murdered my abusive and manipulative boyfriend that blackmailed me into getting back together with him because he couldn't find somebody else to hit? Spare me, I cant do this. Its simple. I refused to let him back in after he blackmailed, abused, manipulated, lied, and traumatized me. I couldn't let him wreck me any longer.
He tried to murder me, holding me against the wall, choking me. I couldn't breath. I pleaded for my life as he stood before me trying to take it. I reached for the nearest thing, my salad knife, I did what I had to do. Life or death. me or him. I think I made the wrong choice. Somebody's child is now dead because of me. I killed him. I killed Greyson.