The Distance Between Our Love

Noah.

4;02 am, March 30th, 2016
My phone rings, I rolled over, answering it, its Elizabeth. Ive deleted all contacts I had of the past, Vera and Elizabeths numbers are memorized in my head. They have an opening in my heart. No matter how hard I try, I cant let go. Its been almost 2 years since I've seen or talked to Vera, a year after we broke up, I still called Liz every week to make sure Vera was doing alright, I stopped after being informed Vera willingly got back together with Greyson. I should have known something was wrong, That wasn't like Vera. All he has put her through, this wasn't Vera.
" Noah..?" Elizabeth's voice was filled with fear, with an uplifted tone that I'd answer, as if she didn't expect me to.
" Yes, Elizabeth?" I could hear her breathing over the phone, heavy. I could tell she was on the verge of tears, I sat up, alarmed.
" I- I'm sorry I didn't really know who else to call- I cant get her to talk- After she got out of the police station. She wont talk to me, she wont look at me, I cant get her to say anything. She's quiet- and well- I don't she's okay- I- I don't know what to do-" Veras mother stuttered, looking for words.
" Liz, slow down, Police station?" I took a gulp. Had Vera been arrested? For what? Innocent Vera, In a jail cell?
" Yeah- S- she uhm- Well- Greysons dead- a-and- s-she-" She paused, taking a deep breath. " She's covered in his blood- s-she- uhm-" Elizabeth couldn't possibly be telling me what I thought she was.
" S-she killed Greyson." She finally managed to spit out.
"She- She- WHAT?!" I got up, scrambling through my crammed dorm to grab as much as possible. I didn't care how long it would take, I had to be there for Vera. Not only was Greyson dead, but she's the one who killed him. Vera killed somebody.
"A- and now- she wont speak- she wont eat- she wont even look at me! She's frozen!!" Liz was hurtfully concerned.
" I'm hopping on the nearest flight."I Hung up, grabbing my bag.
I sprinted down the stairwell, hurdling. Outside, I scrambled around, waving my hands, calling a cab over.
. . .

9;36am.
I stepped out of my Uber, looking at the Miller house, the place I used to feel most welcomed; most comforted, with the girl I felt most at home with, Vera.
Liz saw me standing in the driveway, she opened the door and ran over, hugging me.
"Thank god you're here!" She declared.
" Liz- What's going on?"
" Well, Vera was found this morning in her apartment building with Greysons body, she killed him. I guess he was abusing her, he tried to kill her so she grabbed the nearest object she could. She told police she didn't mean to kill him, that it was an accident, an act of self defense. She has bruises all over her- and her throat, it has to hurt from the accident, he choked her against the wall, which is why she reached for the knife on the counter."
" I knew it." I had mumbled under my breath.
I looked up at Veras mother, I couldn't help but to feel bad, maybe if i would have gone with the gut feeling, Vera wouldn't be in this position. Greyson wouldn't be dead, but behind bars. I knew he used to abuse her, she could possibly want to get back together with that man.
" Knew- it?" Elizabeth tilted her head in confusion.
" When we were in high school, I knew he hurt her. I broke them up, I thought he'd stay away after everything- I was there for her and I'm the one who helped her- b- but I didn't think she'd go back to him. That's why I stopped calling when you told me that a couple of months ago."
"Oh... here cmon, Ill let her know you're here." Her daze fell down to her feet as she walked me inside.
She guided me up the stairs, she knocked on Vera's door; no response.
"Vera, sweetie.. Noahs here.. we're going to come in now." She softened her voice, trying to comfort Vera.
Before she opened the door, she turned to me, talking in her quietest voice to warn me of what I saw before I walked into the room.
" Before we go in here, I'd like to warn you. She wont talk. She wont look at me. Nothing can get her attention. She isn't really doing too we'll which is why I called you. "
I nodded, hiding my worry.
I stepped into the room that was once Vera's safe place, she was laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She didn't move, she didn't make a sound. She was frozen in time. A kept beauty.
" Vera..?" I stared at her, wondering if she had even noticed my presence.
She was pale, slimmer than the last time I had saw her, she wasn't doing well, I could tell. Her face was blank, no emotions.
I reached my hand out, resting it on her face as I once did, years ago.
She flinched, her sights looking over upon me, tears filled her eyes.
" N- Noah??" She stared in awe, I caught her by surprise. She laid her hand on top of mine, making sure I was real, making sure I was actually here, then she quickly sat up.
" Vera.. I heard about what happened- I am so sor-"
She hugged me, staying quiet.
I hugged her back, maybe she didn't need a talk right now, or to know everything's as going to be okay, in that moment all she needed was somebody to hold her. I was that somebody.
I sat on the edge of the bed, she scrambled over to me, crawling over the covers.
Having me here had helped her, I saw it on her face, through that, I also saw the terrors, the fears, she was trying to hard to fight away.
She was now beside me, staring at me, thoroughly examining me.
2 Years.
For 2 years.I haven't touched her.
For 2 years I haven't talked to her.
For 2 years I haven't seen her.
For 2 years, Ive loved her.
I wanted to tell her I still loved her. I wanted to let her know everything would be okay, that I would be here for her, I couldn't do that.
She stopped as she stared at me, tears filling her eyes.
I was finally able to be here for her, to have her in my arms, to help heal her.
" Vera.. I- Its okay.. I'm right here.." I reassured her.
" No no- I told myself I'm not going to cry- I- I cant." She shook her head.
" Vera. Greysons dead. I understand. Its okay to cry."
" It not."
She stood, taking a deep breath.
" Vera, Its perfectly normal to grieve. Let it all out, Its all going to be okay.. I can tell you that."
" ITS NOT OKAY, NOAH! NOTHING IS!" She snapped, raising her voice. She drew back for a moment, surprised at her own voice.
" I- Its not okay!" She went quiet, but I could still feel the frustration in her breathing.
" Nothing is! So people should just stop telling me that its all okay- Because in reality- NOTHING IS! I Murdered a man this morning! Does nothing care about that?! I KILLED HIM! I KILLED GREYSON! DOES NOBODY CARE?!" She screamed, her voice cracking in pain.
I stared, speechless.
" I- I killed him! And people seem to care more about the fact that I'm okay now, than about the fact that HES DEAD! BECAUSE OF ME! ITS ALL MY FAULT NOAH! IM THE ONE WHO STABBED THE KNIFE INTO HIM-" She froze, then she continued on, lowering her voice.
" I- I'm the one w-who wa-watched as the man who I was supposed to be in love with, tried Tom kill me! I watched as his face went blank, after I stabbed him because he wouldn't let me go! I'm the one who had to BEG HIM just to stay alive for one more moment! I- I stood over him, trying to stop the blood- I- I was covered in his blood! I- I couldn't stop it- it was everywhere- A- and h- he took his last breath-"
She looked strait at me, tears pooling in her eyes.
" Vera, He tried to kill you- You were protecting yourself.. I know you feel like its your fault, but it isn't, It really isn't. You're not to blame here."
A tear streamed down her face, she started shaking.
" H- he- he told me h-he was g-going to d-die- t-then he did- I- I watched h- him die- a-and I was t-t-the one w-who dr-dragged his d-dead b-b-body down the ha-hall." She became distracted, staring per at the wall.
A Knot formed in my throat, imagining the horror Vera had gone through in one day. She was choked, she killed him, then stood over him, trying to get him to stay alive. She dragged him down the hallway, The Who else knows what?
I wasn't there for her.
I was hours away In New York.
I wasn't there to comfort her as she stared at Greysons dead body.
Or maybe, if I would have come home the moment I knew they had gotten back together, maybe he wouldn't be dead.
" Vera.. stop blaming yourself." I had tears in my eyes, watching the woman I loved be tortured in her own thoughts. She was in pain.
Our eyes met, my tears partially blurred my vision.
She walked over to me hesitantly.
I reached out for her, still sitting on the bed.
She sat beside me, laying her head in my shoulder.
She started to sob, scream, cry. She was letting it all out.
I dried my own tears with my sleeve, I locked my arms behind her back, squeezing her tight.
I missed this.
" I think I'm going to stay here."
She sat back, looking at me.
" What? No! You cant-"
" I can, I will. You need me here, Its alright Ver.. I can always go back next year. I Love you, I cant be in New York while you're here in pain. I cant leave you."
" Noah! No! You are going to go back. I- I'm fine."
" You aren't though, You're hurt, broken. I'm sorry Vera, I just cant be in the world, living my life if you're sitting in your room, refusing to live yours. I love you still, That hasn't changed. It wont ever change, I belong here, with you Vera."
I could see the sparkle in her eyes, she wanted this. She refused.
" Noah- I- I don't love you. I- I- n- never have." That sentence made her start to cry harder.
" I- I'm so so-sorry- i just-"
My heart fell to my stomach, I felt it smash into pieces. The glass heart had been shattered.
" O- Oh-" I nodded, trying to play it off.
" Go back to New York Noah. I'm fine." She couldn't look at me.
" Fine then." I got up, storming off.
I should have stayed.
I wasn't there for me when she needed me most.
The worst part was, she didn't even know about Lauren. I completely forgot about Lauren.