The Distance Between Our Love

Noah.

9:15 p.m
She told her her story, not her stories. She explained to me multiple stories, which merged to one, allowing me to see why her colorful heart had only loved with grey. Here, in this moment as she's explaining to me all of these horrific moments, my mind travels to one place and one place only; Greyson. How could he have done this? How could he have hurt her? She's such a sweet, fragile girl, she wouldn't even mention the abuse of last night outside of these walls.
I stare at her as she proceeds to point at bruises, 6? 9? 14? There's a story behind each and every one, she remembers every detail. How could she have hid this? The pieces are put together.
My gut feels raw, my chest aches watching this. When she finishes, I stare at her, I cant make out the words. Everything feels like a blur, my head flooding with thoughts; How could I not notice the girl I loved, hurt, distraught? The only thing I can do is apologize, I may have not been the one that put the marks on her body, but I'm the one that feels sorry for her. I'm the one thats going to always be here to fix what has been broken in the midst of the night.
After I apologized she said something, I cant clearly remember how I responded, until I heard her ask me, everything had felt normal.
" C- Can you maybe Hold me again?-" I looked down at her, noticing her sky blue eyes planted on mine. I smiled and pulled her in, we faced opposite directions, her back to my chest, my arms holding her close, holding her within the warmth.
She felt safe.
After everything, she wanted me to hold her. Me. After another man has hurt her, had made touch cold, my warmth was the only persons who could ever warm her heart.
We went probably an hour without speaking, honestly I had no clue if she was still awake until she turned to me.
" Noah??"She said quietly, checking to see if I was still awake.
" Yeah..?" I replied, I had noticed her eyes had darted to me after I had replied, as if she wasn't expecting an answer.
" in the shower- I- I wasn't crying because Greyson hurts me sometimes."
I peered over her, confused. If that wasn't what had started this mess, what had?
I remained silent.
" H- he cheated." Her voice was no longer comforted and soothing, it was jagged and I could feel the pain hidden within those two words.
I finding myself searching for words, I was speechless. One thought remained in my mind; I hate him. I couldn't stop myself from saying those words aloud. It had to be said.
" I hate him." I mumbled under my breath. She was close enough to my body, she had heard.
I stared at her bedroom ceiling, my head had started to hurt, too many thoughts to sleep, yet too exhausted to stay awake. Everything was still. She was still, I couldn't tell is she was fighting another breakdown, or Her thoughts, or both.
Her head turned toward me, gathering my attention, my gaze drifted from the ceiling to her face. She was tired, when was she not? We stared at each other for a moment. I lost my breath.
I was taken away from how such a sorrowed girl could be so beautiful, I was struck by her eyes, which glowed with green and sometimes yellow specks in the sun. They're blue. Bright blue. Usually when we meet eyes I lose track of all time, It slips away. That was the first thing I had learned to love about her, her eyes. From a distance they're a darker shade of blue, but as you look closer they fade into lighter circled of marbled ocean colors. I stared in awe.
The warmth had taken me through, I needed her, I needed this. This was all I had ever wanted in life. I didn't mind if none of my other dreams had happened, This was all Ive dreamed of since we were 8 years old.
I needed her.
She lifted her hand, cupping my face with it. Her skin was so soft, so cold. Her thumb grazed my cheek. I never lost count in her eyes, glancing down at her still.
" Ver-"
" Shhhh..Just enjoy the moment, we dont need to talk." She whispered, her hand still on my face.
I closed my eyes.
She pulled her hand away, I opened my eyes.
" Sorry- I- I had the urge to do that- and I couldn't stop myself this time."
" This time?"
She nodded. " I really wanted to do it yesterday- then earlier in the shower."
I fought back a smile.
My dreams were coming true.
" Then do it. I'm not going to stop you, Vera." She looked at me, bewildered. "As if I Hadn't made this clear enough, I have loved you for the past 8 years, I don't plan on ever losing that love. I want to make you happy, Even if its not my job to hold you."
I imagined myself telling her how I've felt, when I went to tell her no words had left my mouth except for: " I Love you."
Usually when I say that sentence, I mean it, she doesn't know that though. I feel as if she thinks its some sort of 'Best friends' Thing. For me, It wasn't.
She continued to move closer, our heads beside another. Both of our eyes fell upon her hand, which was now on my face again.
I looked up from her hand, meeting her eyes, they were balanced to mine, strait ahead. I turned my head, trying to figure out what was so hard. I clearly made her happy. Why couldn't she just realize this is meant to be, not as friends, but as soulmates? Does she even feel the same way?
My chest nagged me, I risked it. I couldn't wait any longer.
I needed to know.
I placed my hand on her face, as she was doing to mine. Our lips had met for a moment.
We kissed.
I cant tell if it was ten seconds or an hour. I had no sense of time. I didn't care anymore. Ive longed for this day.
She pulled away, grasping her breath. She touched her lips in shock.
" I-I cant, because then I'll no better than him." Her expression changed from comforted to desiring. I could tell she wanted this. Maybe not a life with me, buts she had wanted to be held, to be comforted, I could also tell she was trying to fight it.
" What are you talking about?"
" I Cant cheat on him."
I realized.
She hadn't broken up with him, he hadn't broken up with her. They were still together.
I quickly sat up, rethinking everything.
" Ver, I'm so sorry- I didn't know- I assumed after you found out about him cheating you ended things."
" Nope." The disappointed look on her face told me how much she wanted to, but couldn't.
" I shouldn't have-" She stopped me halfway through my sentence.
" But you did." She looked away from me.
" I know, I'm so sorry."
" I'm a terrible person." She uttered under her breath, it echoed in her bedroom, I heard.
" hey.. Don't say that about yourself. You didn't do anything, I kissed you."
She winced, as if something was hurting her.
" But thats the thing, I kissed back."
I froze. She did. Vera kissed me back.
I looked her in those bright blue eyes, she was unfocused. Still trying to process what had happened.
" I love you." I said it again, but this time it was louder. I wanted her to hear. I needed her to know.
"Love you too." She sighed, looking back up at me.
" No Vera, You don't understand-"
She shook her head.
" Probably not. But honestly I cant even think. My thought is so clouded right now."
This was my chance. Now or I'd have to watch her get hurt, I couldn't bare the thought.
" No, Vera. Look at me."
Our eyes had collided.
" Hand me your phone."
I reached my hand out, waiting for the phone to be in my possession.
She hesitantly handed me her phone.
I dialed Greysons number. No answer.
I tried again, nothing.
" What are you doing, Noah?"
" I'm doing what you should have done long ago."
" And what is that?"
" I'm breaking you up."
She snatched the phone.
" No."
" Vera, Give me back the phone."
" No!"
" Vera, Please."
" No!" She snapped.
" Vera."
She shook her head, the phone in her hands.
"Vera. Hand me the phone."
She stood, I was taller than her, I towered over her. I could tell Greyson had always gotten his way, she started to shake. I noticed.
" Vera, I'm not going to hurt you. Just, please. Let me see the phone. I cant watch this go on any longer." I stepped closer.
She stepped back, inching away from me.
" Vera. Phone. Now."
She shook her head, tears in her eyes.
"I'm watching you get hurt! Time after time! He's cheated- he hurts you! You really want to be in a relationship like that? Fine! Be my guest! But when you come crying, I knew it. I knew that he'd hurt you. He always does. he clearly cant treat you right! He doesn't deserve you. Just remember when you're the one crying, who was there for you? ME!" I noticed I was raising my voice, I immediately felt bad. Was I was turning into Greyson?
She was falling apart. I was the one who was supposed to help her, even if that means I'm the bad guy, she will be happy again one day. Even if its without me.
I snatched my belongings, storming off.
" Goodbye, Liz. Thank you for having me." Before her mother had a chance to say anything I had interrupted, quickly saying my goodbyes as I left.
I'm physically restraining myself from running back inside and trying this again, I can't. I held back tears, hopping into my car. I hit the steering wheel in anger, then rested my head on it.