The Distance Between Our Love

Greyson.

11:38 p.m.
She was all I had. I let her go too. I need to stop hurting everybody I love. Who have I even become? I don't even recognize myself. What had happened to the varsity, friendly football player? What happened to the boy I used to be? the boy I wanted to become? What happened? Where did I go wrong? How did this happen?
It's nearly midnight.
Vera still isn't in sight.
The music blares loud, my head pounds. People surround, my house is trashed, parents gone for the weekend. Perfect party.
I need to drink.
One drink.
I wont hurt her this time.
I wont raise my fist.
Or my voice.
I wont yell.
I just need one.
One more.
My thoughts pulse my head. I look down at the can that was in my hand, its crushed, the beer spilling out. My hand was now wet, I scoffed, getting up and heading to the kitchen to wash it off. I pushed through the crowd, keeping my head low. Or maybe- they were pushing me. I could barley stand, walk, talk. It was all so hard.
I spotted her. Vera.
"Veraaaaa!" I stumbled my way over to her, almost falling to the ground.
She took one glance at me and crossed her arms.
"Cmon, Let's get you to bed. Its late. You're drunk. Its official. Mood wrecker." She gently grabbed my arm.
" Who do you think your talking to?" My voice sterned, I hadn't even noticed.
" Cmon, I really cant handle this right now, Please Greyson. For once, bed." She begged, she wasn't wearing any makeup, she wasn't herself. She wasn't okay. I always saw that. I destroyed her. I was the abused, then I become the abuser. I hate it. I hate her. I only told her I loved her because I love the feeling of relief that my back feels after i dump all of my problems onto her. the only problem is, when i dumped them onto her, somehow along the process, words turned to fists. the weight had turned to bruises.
I'm sorry mother.
I'm sorry father.
I'm sorry Noah.
I'm sorry Elizabeth.
I'm sorry Vera.
I never meant for it to get this far, I couldn't keep living in pain, even if it meant she had to. It was relieving. I could finally breathe. She couldn't.
She managed to get me upstairs, away from the crowd. I leaned on her, occasionally she winced, I had bushed on her bruise by accident a couple of times.
Why was Vera being so nice? After all I had done to her? She forgives me because she just craves love. I cant give that to her, I'm the coward. So instead I tell her she's the coward. I blame her for it all. Maybe now, she wont want to be near me. But every time she comes back. She forgives me. Every time she's a little bit more broken. A Little bit more lost.
She took my shoes off, laying me down, tucking me in.
" Now go to bed." She scolded.
" I know you aren't talking to me like that, again. You know what happens when you demand me." I slurred.
" Please, Just go to bed." her voice had softened.
I don't remember why, or how I was physically possible, I hit her. I sat up and slapped her across the face. She held her face, acting as if she didn't expect it.
We all know what to expect.
We all know the drill.
She held her hand on her face.
" Sleep. I'm leaving now."
I was still sitting, I managed to grab her arm, pulling her down as she tried to walk off.
" How about YOUUU sleep."
" Greyson. Let me go. I have t- to go-" I caught her by surprise.
" N- No." I stumbled to find words.
" Greyson! You're hurting me!" I held her wrist tighter.
She screamed in pain. Nobody could hear us over the music. It was me and her now. Well, No. Me abusing her, now.
I let her go, she fell back onto the floor, crawling back away. She stared at her wrist, which was now bright purple.
" H- How could you?!" She screamed.
" I don't care. I never did. You're just a worthless girl that I use to hangover. Now leave before I do it again."
Her face went blank.
It had seemed if her emotions had been wiped.
She stood, grabbing the door handle.
" YEAH THATS RIGHT- GO GET YOUR LITTLE BOY TOY, NOAH!" I yelled at her, my voice was now filled with anger, the one she feared most.
She stopped, staring at me.
" I- I'm not speaking to him. B- because of you." She looked down at her feet.
" Go cry about it." I scoffed.
"I'm done." She looked up at me.
" What did you just say?!"I scolded her. I scold her a lot, I'm pretty sure thats what brought out the fear in her eyes.
" I- I said I'm done!"
" With?"
" You! I'm tired of constantly being thrown around! I Miss the boy I fell in love with! Ive been waiting around- Just to see if he'd come back. He hasn't. I cant do this anymore. I'm done!" She snapped, this was the first time I had ever seen her stick up for herself, she clearly feared me. She was done.
" For the record I never loved you." I added, I watched her tear up and sprint out of the room.

Like I said, Maybe if I gave her something to fear, maybe she will stay away.