The Distance Between Our Love

Vera.

The silence of his room was killing me, the quiet had left no peace. I was forced to think of previous events. Somehow, even when he didn't want to be, he was always there. Always.
I faced his bedroom wall, he had faced the other direction, it was like we were strangers, did I not exist in his mind? I couldn't manage to look at him, I'd start crying again. I cant do this.
Not a sound had filled the room, that was until Noah had rolled over, facing me.
" I love you." He spoke in a soft tone.
I turned to him, looking at him.
" Love you too."
His voice had changed, it was now irritated, as if I didn't understand something. As if I were missing something.
What could I be missing?
"No, Vera. You don't understand. I didn't mean it the way you think I did-"
If it's not what I thought, Then how did he mean it?
I listened.
" Its not as your best friend that I'm saying it, but as somebody who's been completely in love with you since we were 8. The last 10 years I have been chasing you as you ran after men that were not me. I cant sit around and watch this anymore. I love you. I always have, I always will. I understand if you don't feel the same way about me- I just- I can't keep it a secret anymore. You deserve to know. You need to. Every time we are together I feel this pulse in my chest, as if nothing else mattered in this world. You're the only person I want. That's why I was so overprotective with Greyson. Watching you get hurt time after time had hurt me. Why do you think I'm always here for you? Or why I stay up late just to talk to you? Or the reason your mother texts me when she can't get you to eat? She knows I can. She knows I won't let you starve. She knows I'll always be the one to bring you your favorite meal. Why do you think I kissed you if I hadn't loved you? I love everything about you. Those blue eyes- I could get lost in them. Your smile- it never fails to brighten my day. Your laugh, I know you hate it, it's the most joyful sound I have ever heard; when I'm with you, that's all I ever want to hear. When I hold you, I feel it. The warmth, the tugging at my chest, it's like I could forget my own name. I love you, Vera."
I stared at him in shock, my hand held my throat, I tried to speak, nothing came out.
He held his breath, watching my facial expressions as I tried to make out words.
"Noah..."
The room was quieter than before, I could hear his breathing, I could tell he was nervous, he had waited for this moment.
" Noah.."
" Noah?"
He jumped a little, as if he had dazed into space for a moment, perhaps he assumed he was imagining this.
" Hmmm..?"
Our eyes had locked, before this moment I had never really noticed them.
Brown eyes with specks of golden embedded into them. They were breathtakingly stunning. One of the most beautiful things I have ever noticed about a person. I now knew why he always had stared into my eyes. We were complete opposites, but looking back now, I realize that is what had drawn him to me, we loved the difference we had seen within each other.
I hadn't thought past this point, what would I say? What was I supposed to say? Did I even love him?
Did I love Noah?
I never thought that would ever be a question I'd ask myself.
Did I?
The answer was: I simply did not know.
It felt right. I've never felt love. True love.
How was I supposed to know my love for another being when I hadn't even learned to love myself? How was I supposed to love another person if I had not the slightest clue what love was? The idea of it had terrified me. As scared as I could be, in this moment it felt right.
His hand, which was now on my face, as it has been before, hadn't felt wrong. I never wanted him to stop touching me. The warmth. The comfort. I loved the feeling of every second. Every. Single. Second.
"I- I don't know what to say." I stuttered nervously.
His golden eyes were locked in mine; in this moment, all we had was each other. It was us against the world.
"Tell me what you're feeling right now. I don't want you to hold anything back. Big or small, what's on your mind?" His voice had softened.
I loved it when he had talked to me in such a soft tone. It was so sweet, his voice made me want to fall asleep beside him, so peaceful. He hadn't yelled like Greyson had. He hadn't hurt me like Greyson had. He hadn't blamed me like Greyson had.
" Well- for starters, I don't think I've mentioned it yet, but Greyson and I broke up." The words rolled off my tongue, This time the thought hadn't hurt, I was free. Finally.
" oh...-" I could tell he hadn't felt bad, he's wanted this to happen, maybe not for himself to have me, but for me to be happy. That's all he's ever wanted.
" then this." I went quiet, scrambling to find words.
" This? What is this exactly to you??"
This was right. It all had felt right. It all had felt perfect, as if I was the one he was meant to hold, the way out bodies had perfectly collided, the way my body had fit perfectly within his arms.
I struggled to word it, rushing to respond.
" Right."
" Right..?" He tilted his head a bit, slightly confused.
" 'This' feels right to me." I looked away, peering over at the door of the bedroom.
" It- its does?" I heard the smile in his voice, the pauses, the high tending tone. I may not be looking at him, but I could tell the joy that sentence had brought him.
" It always has." I looked back up at him, my heart racing.
He grabbed my waist, pulling me on top of himself. Our body heat had combined. He held me, once again. This time I hadn't fought it. This time I hadn't felt guilty. This time it had meant to be. This time was the time.
I reached my hand up, running my fingers through his brown, curly hair. Soft.
" B-before we fall asleep- I'd like to ask you something." He had sat up a bit.
I peered up at him from his chest.
" What is it..?"
" So- I'm not the greatest at this- but I uhm- I was wondering if you maybe wanted to.. go on- a date? Maybe?" He blushed, biting his lip.
I smiled, it was an obvious answer.
"So- does that mean Yes?-"
" Of course it does- Need it to make it clearer?!" I giggled.
He shook his head, I continued anyways.
My hand had met his face, pulling his to mine.
Our lips had touched.
I didn't pull away.
I didn't shove off.
I didn't stop.
I wanted this.
I needed this.
I had this.
He stopped, smiling down at me.
He was happy, and for the first time in a long time, I was too.
I still couldn't believe it. Somebody loved me. That somebody was Noah. Noah loved me. I was loved.
I rested my head on his chest, burying my face in his T-shirt. His arms wrapped around my back, holding me close, mine held another behind his neck. This moment was our moment. Ours. It has a nice ring to it.
" Goodnight, Vera." His voice was soft, but this time it was sleepy. Even more adorable.
" Goodnight, Noah." I replied.
Before I had knew it, he was asleep.
I glanced up at him, faintly smiling. I started to close my eyes, my heart had shone for him.
. . .
5:21 a.m
" We're home!!" A loud voice had called though the front door. Neither of us had woken up fully to be aware of what was happening. Noah had remained unbothered.
Footsteps had approached, closer and closer by every passing second. The door had a faint knock, I could barley hear it. I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't want to find out either.
The door to Noahs room had quietly opened, his father standing within the frame, checking to see if he was awake. The light of the hallway had beamed in. I had groaned, holding my hands over my eyes.
" Goodmor-" there was a pause in Mr.Grey's greet, I assumed he noticed my presence. A dark room, a random girl laying on top of his son. 5 am on a Saturday morning.
I sat up slowly, looking back, checking I hadn't woken Noah up. I held my finger over my mouth, gesturing for him to stay quiet. He nodded.
I climbed out from the bed, pulling the covers over Noah to keep him warm. I tiptoed out of the room and quietly shut the door behind me.
" Vera?" He had squinted, recognizing me.
" Yes, Mr.Grey?"
" Malachi." He replied.
" You can call me Malachi."
" Oh- Alright.."
" Vera.." he stared down at me with confusion on his face. " Does your mother know that you are here?"
I nodded.
" Oh, alright. Sorry I woke you. I just- never expected to see you- there- with Noah." He continued.
The awakened silence was unbearable, we stared at each-other, I was embarrassed.
" Does that mean Olivia is here too?" I had changed the subject, filling the empty void that was in the air.
" Yeah- she's downstairs if you'd like to say hello."
" Thank you." I rushed down the stairs.
Noahs mother was another mother to me. I was another one of her daughters. Any moment Noah wasn't at my house, I was at his. We grew up together. We were always together.
I had spotted her in the kitchen, making herself a cup of coffee.
" Olivia!!" I called out.
She had turned, shocked to see me here.
" Oh! Darling! Vera!!" She ran over, hugging me.
" How have you been? How is your mother?? Here- come sit!" She pulled a chair out at the dinning room table, which was connected to the kitchen.
" Can I get you anything? Are you hungry??"
" Yeah, but you don't have to make anything, I'm alrigh-" before I could continue she had pulled a pan from the cabinet above the stove, spraying it down.
" It's fine dear! But continue.. how are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in so long!"
" I'm alright, things aren't the greatest, but I'm getting by." I said cheerfully, looking around.
" And your mother?"
" I haven't been home in almost 2 days, but she's doing well!"
" That's good!!"
Mrs.Grey had left the pan on the stove to heat up, Mr.Grey had come back down from carrying the luggage's upstairs. He sat at the table, across from me, he unfolded a large paper that was sitting in his spot. A newspaper.
Olivia brought him over a coffee, he occasionally took a sip, reading through the paper. She had returned back to the kitchen, flipping pancakes.
"So.. Vera, why haven't you been home?" She peeked back from the kitchen, listening.
" Well- last night I stayed here."
" oh? I saw the bed in the guest bed was made, did you make it this morning?"
My cheeks had turned red, tapping my foot, nervously.
" I kinda- uhm- Well-I.. uh-" I Couldn't spit out the words.
" She slept in His room." Noahs father interrupted, his eyes still on the newspaper held in front of his face.
" Like, With him-?"
I nodded.
" oh." Her voice had faded. I felt guilty, I had no clue why, but I had.
" Nothing happened- I promise- we only cuddled and I'm sorry- I- I understand if you're upset!"
" Oh no no dear! Dont feel sorry. We just were curious! Speaking of Noah, where is he?" She looked around.
" He's still sleeping, we were up kind of late last night, I didn't wake him, I assumed he needed it more than I did. He looked so peac-"
Noah appeared from the staircase, rubbing his eyes.
" Morning dear!"
" Morning mom, how was the flight?" He was still sleepy, I could tell by his voice.
" It was great! How was your cuddle session with Vera?" She teased him.
He didn't answer. Noah and I locked eyes, He smiled, walking over to the table.
He pulled out the chair right beside mine, he sat. He leaned over, kissing my cheek.
" Goodmorning Vera."
I blushed.
" Morning sleepyhead."
His mother rushed over with four plates of pancakes and a canister of syrup. She placed a place in front of each chair, then she sat at the empty one across from Noah.