The Distance Between Our Love

Vera.

After one click of the phone, I fall to the floor, resting my head into my hands as I cried.
I didn't want it to end this way. I didn't want it to end at all. I'm the one that did this. I broke up with Noah. I didn't have a choice. I was forced to break up with the man I love and the worst part is he doesn't even know why.
For all I know, he thinks I didn't love him, when in fact, I did. I Loved Noah with all of my heart, even if I had never told him, I did. I still do. How could I not love him? The boy with the amber brown eyes, the dark, fluffy hair. The boy with the brightest smile. The one that never fails to pull a laugh from you every time you talk. The boy who never gave up on me.
Its nearly 11 pm, I had waited up for Noahs flight to land. After hours of waiting I finally decided to call him; See how things were going.
I love Noahs voice.
I love his smile, though I couldn't see it right now, its all I ever think about.
Every time we talk he always manages to pull mine from me. He makes me happy.
I Was talking to him over the phone, smiling at the ceiling. I was laying on my bed as Greyson bursted into my bedroom. I turned to the door, frowning. I told Noah I'd call him back and not to worry, then I hung up. How did I tell Noah not to worry when I couldn't even keep myself from worrying? I got to my feet, a chill rushed through my body. He stepped closer, demanding me to stay quiet.
" SHH! Your mother will hear us!" He cuffed his hand over my mouth, insuring I wasn't going to yell.
He proceeded to slap me. I'm pretty sure that meant he knew about Noah and I. Physical abuse; Greysons way of correcting my actions, then he blamed it on me because 'I was the one who needed fixed.' ' I was broken.' ' I was the one out of line, he was just the one trying to correct me.' I was always guilty.
" Are you kidding me!?" His voice is harsh, but quiet, not wanting to be noticed by my mother, who was sleeping downstairs in her bedroom. At this moment I knew that he knew.
" W- what are you talking about?" I tried to act it off, clueless.
" You know what I mean!" He shoves me back further.
" Greyson- Please- don't do this." My voice is soft, begging him not to put me through this again. With Noah being gone, who would 'fix the broken' this time? Who would be there when I'm on the shower floor? Who would be there to pick me up? Who would be there to hold me?
"NO! You don't get to tell me what to do! After everything! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
I Step back, realizing I was now against the wall opposite to the door. I had nowhere left to go, nowhere left to run. I was defenseless. Sounds about right.
"I- I- uhm-" I stutter, trying to find my words.
He slaps me across my face.
" How could you do this to me?!" He raises his voice.
I Hold my face, a yelp escaping my mouth.
" HOW COULD YOU!" He slams me into the wall again, like he had done before, multiple times.
I Crumbled to the floor, crying.
" I- I'm s- sorry- I didn't- W- we were broken up- a- and- I wa- wanted-"
" WE BOTH KNOW THOSE ARE LIES, VERA! STOP LYING TO YOURSELF! YOU DON'T LOVE HIM!"
His words are torture, digging deep into my heart; or whats left of it. He ripped it from my chest and took it with him long ago. Or maybe he shattered it, all i know is; I feel so empty. In this moment. Always. Even with Noah, part of me could never be repaired, he just makes me feel the most whole I've felt in a while.
" B- But I- I do-" I plea, trying to prove to him my love for Noah, he wont stop until he hears what he wants to hear, even if he knows its true.
" YOU DONT LOVE HIM!" He kicks, with every kick I feel more and more broken. My heart shatters more and more with every hit. My heart is like glass; shattered.
" I- I dont-" I finally cave, lying to him so he doesn't kill me on the spot.
My chest feels so empty, yet so heavy. I cant bare to get off the floor, its weighing me down.
My heart aches with pain, I cant long to love Greyson ever again, but as long as he thinks I do, maybe then he'll finally stop.
My body is colored upon, with the ink of his fists; purple and beige-olive toned marks are painted all over my back and arms. One bruise is planted on my rib cage, stretching down to my stomach. Another stretches from my neck to my back, like the old one, but this ones brighter, harder, more hurtful. Smaller, but still hurtful marks spiral around my arms and legs. It would be hard to cover this one up. It would be hard to keep smiling. It always was hard, but Noah wasn't here this time to make me do it more often. Noah wasn't here to heal me. Noah wasn't here.
" that's what I thought." He scoffs, looking down on me. His look changes from anger to disgust, peering over me. He turns and walks out, just as if nothing had happened. I call Noah back. I had to end it before Greyson tried to get into contact with Noah too. I cant hurt Noah. Its over. Done for.
I'm alone. I cant move. My body is sore, bare, broken, but this time, nobody is here to help repair me. Like I said, I'm alone.
. . .
November 3rd, 9;13am, 2014
I wake up on the floor of my bedroom, my head on the cold hardwood floor. I sit up, holding my head, indents on my forehead from where I had been laying. I cant manage to get to my feet, so instead I lay here, on the floor.
After what feels like an eternity, I'm finally able to make it to my feet, wobbling. I'm still shaken from the night before. I walk over to my closet, throwing on one of Noahs hoodies and track pants. They should cover every mark that has painted over my skin. They should hide what should be kept hidden.
I walk down the stairs, seeing my mother in the kitchen, making breakfast.
" Morning Darling!" She greets me as I slide into an Island seat.
" Morning." I Groan.
" What's wrong, hun? Long night of studying?"
I nod, trying to play it off. Studying? As if.
"Oh here!" She pushes me a plate of eggs.
The thought of eating after last night doesn't settle right. I shove the plate away.
" Thanks mom, but I'm not hungry." I'm starving. I'm so hungry. I just cant get myself to eat, not after the pain Greysons fist had laid on me.
" Darling, when was the last time you had something to eat?" She dawns at me, concerned.
I take a moment to think. I cant even remember, My stomach growls all the time, I know the hunger that has build inside of me, but I know the moment I eat Ill be sick from crying. Ill cry so hard Ill throw up.
" Well- I- I had an apple on Tuesday?" I say hesitantly shrugging.
" Tuesday? Honey, That was almost 3 days ago."
" I know Mom, I'm trying here -I just- I'm not hungry." I lie again, wanting to disappear.
" Just- Please. Try harder darling." She starts to scrub the dishes in the sink.
I Nod, then I slide out of the chair, walking back to my room.
I pull my hood over my head and collapse onto my bed. I hug my pillow and close my eyes tight. Maybe Ill wake up and realize this was all a bad dream, that I'm in Noahs arms, that none of this is real; but atlast, it is.