no more stars to find || billie eilish

eleven.

- MEGAN'S POV -

'BILLIE EILISH SEEN WITH A MYSTERIOUS GIRL',
'DOES BILLIE EILISH HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?',
'BILLIE EILISH SEEN IN AN UBER IN HAWAII WITH ANOTHER GIRL'.
They're everywhere. The minute I woke up after Billie and I had our first day in Hawaii together, the whole internet was full with these articles. They're already driving me insane, and we still have a whole week to go.

"Morning, baby", Billie says as she falls down next to me on the bed, giving a quick kiss on my cheek.

I sigh and show her my phone with all the articles. "It's only been one day."

"...I know."

"God, these people probably never heard of the word privacy before, huh?"

"Meg, I know this sucks. I think so, too. But I told you this was gonna happen before we were leaving."

"Yeah..." I look down and sigh softly. "I know."

"Hey", Billie says while placing her hand under my chin, making me look at her. "Just try to have fun, alright? Ignore all that."

"Yeah, okay."

She smiles while wrapping her arm around me, kissing my head. "Now, what do you want to do today?"

I shrug. "I don't know."

"I have a few things planned for this week, but not for today. What do you say we just hang out here?"

I look at her and smile, nodding. "That sounds great."

"Yeah?"

"Uhu."

"Okay. Come", she says while getting up. "Let's have a swim."

-

I once read a word somewhere.
ya'aburnee: (n.) lit. "you bury me"; the hope that you will die before your love, because you cannot live without them.

This is how I feel a lot of times in my life. After my dad died I didn't think I was going to be able to stay alive. Having to live a life without him was something I could not imagine. But when I lost him, I had Nora. And that's why I'm not ready to lose her, too. That's why I need to go first so that I won't have to live without her.

Same for Billie. She came into my life so unexpectedly and made it really hard for me to say goodbye. Even thinking about the fact that one day she could be gone while I'm still here, causes me a heart-wrenching pain.

"What are you thinking about?", Billie says which gets me out of my thoughts. I look at her and smile as she's leaning on the edge of the swimming pool, her body in the water.

"Nothing."

"Didn't seem like it."

I sigh while rolling my eyes sarcastically. "Leave me alone."

"Never."

I bury my face in my hands as I feel my face turning red out of softness. It's funny how soft Billie actually is.