Obsessive Secrets

Chapter 5

“Can you please give us a few more minutes.” Ashton says grabbing the computer from Michael and I can see him push him away.

“You guys have had all night! Calum is tired and I’m tired and we wanna go to bed.” Michael says in a cute whiny voice. I keep forgetting they’re 6 hours ahead of me.

“Okay fine. Just 5 more minutes I swear.” Ashton says and Michael rubs Ashton’s hair with his hand making it all messy.

“Alright.” Michael says and then I hear him leave the room.

“Even from miles away we can’t seem to get alone time.” I say smiling.

“Tell me about it!” Ashton says fixing his hair.

“He’s right though Ashton. You really should get some sleep you’re really busy tomorrow.” I say. I didn’t want him to go but I knew he needed rest. Especially because his plane ride was restless.

“I guess you’re right. Promise me if you can’t sleep you’ll message me. Okay?” Ashton says giving a small smile.

 “I promise.” I say. Of course I wasn’t going to be able to sleep. But I couldn’t message him. I can’t let him worry about me. He smiles.

“Good. I love you so fucking much okay. Don’t forget that. I’ll talk to you tomorrow babe.” he says blowing me a kiss.

“I love you too Ash.” I say giving a sad smile and then we both hang up. I look at the clock on the computer and see that we had been Skyping for about an hour. It was only 9 o’clock. What was I supposed to do? I was tired, but too afraid to sleep. Then my phone buzzed and I looked at the text message, hoping it might be from Ashton, but it was my best friend. I make a wide smile, I haven’t seen her in forever, I miss her.

“DANI! You’re finally back in town! I miss you! I know it’s late but do you wanna maybe come hang out???? I miss you!!!!” the text reads. I had to take my mind of Ashton and I did really miss her and I wanted to see her.

“OF COURSE! I’M COMING RIGHT OVER!<3” I text back, slightly under exaggerating my mood. It takes me a while to find clothes to bring because all of my clothes are still packed in the suitcase and all the ones I left behind were the ones I didn’t really fancy at all. Finally I give up trying to find clothes in my closet and I quickly pack my black skinny jeans, a few shirts, and my pj’s. I grabbed Ashton’s sweater so that I can still keep him close. Maybe if I go to Lara’s house I’ll be able to sleep. “Momma I’m off to Lara’s!” I shout.

“Have fun! I love you!” she shouts back. Right as she says that I remember the first time Ashton said that to me, in that moment I felt so happy. But now remembering it I’m sad because the person who loves me isn’t here.

 I’ve been driving for 20 minutes and I was almost to her house. Thank god it was 9 A.M. on a Sunday so there was no traffic. I was listening to the radio for the first time in forever but none of the music was worth listening to. I had turned it down so that I could barely hear the guitars and the beats, after 10 minutes of listening. I start to zone out of the music, thinking about seeing Lara and talking with her all night and talking about what I missed out on since I was gone. My ears suddenly tune back into the music when I hear a familiar voice coming from the radio. At first I thought I was being paranoid but the tune is so familiar, I had to turn it up. God I wish I hadn’t. After all these months they still played Amnesia on the radio and this was the one song I didn’t want to hear. It reminds me of watching them play it live, watching Ashton from the sidelines, it reminds me of lying next to him and spending all those happy and sad times with him. But it also reminds me of my dream, about hurting him and forcing him to hurt himself because of me. I shut the radio off all the way now but the lyrics are still stuck in my head. I’m really not fine at all. I’m really not fine at all. I’m really not fine at all. I’m really not fucking fine at all I finally think to myself as I make a fast stop at the stop sign to turn into my Lara’s house. Jesus that could’ve ended badly. I take a deep breath before I turn into her house. I just need to calm down, everything is going to be okay. I was going to spend time with Lara and forget about the nightmare and being away from Ashton.