Cape May

A Kitchen Tale

I saw my mother, Holly and the twins approaching us from the left path.

Daddeeee!" Cried out my two daughters as they raced to see who would reach me first. Although they were twins, by now I could see some differences between them. Gabriela was the more rough and tumble of the two. More athletic. Michele was the more cerebral one, favoring dresses to jeans. Of course, Gabriela reached me first and jumped on my lap soon followed by Michelle.

"You two have been out here a while." said my mother who sat by Gabby's side taking her hand in hers. Holly sat on my right while the twins wiggled in my lap.

"Oh, just catching up." Said Gabby. "It's been a lot of years."

"Yeah too many if you ask me," she admonished us.

"Oh Holly, you should've seen these two when they were young. I thought I'd be in an insane asylum when they finished with me."

She said this in that way mothers do when they reminisce about the hard times their children gave them, all the while insinuating that she, by the tone of her voice, and the smile on her face would not change a thing.

"These two were like cat's and dogs. Always, always, fighting, arguing, never able to agree on anything. She'd say black, he'd say white. It's a miracle they didn't kill each other..... or I them." She added as an after thought.

"Aww ma, it wasn't that bad. She was the youngest. She just wanted attention."

"I didn't want attention. You just was always bullying me."

"Me. Bullying you? You kidding. You used to try to get me in trouble with mommy every chance you got."

"That's cause you deserved it."

My mother chimed in. "You see what I'm talking about Holly. Like day and night. Cut it you guys, you're grownups now."

"Ok, so now that we're grownups." I interjected. "do you know why I used to chase her all the way to the kitchen when you would scold me and tell me I was the most horrible brother in the world?"

"I don't really care Bobby. It was a long time ago."

"No, but I'm gonna tell you anyways. She would jump on me while I was in bed and fart all over me."

Instead of mommy understanding my dilemma years past, she started laughing. The sight of her little girl jumping on me and farting was too funny.

"Gaby, you farted all over your brother, That's hilarious!"

I looked at my mother in awe, thinking that now as an adult, I would be absolved of any wrong doings from my past. Instead Gaby and her had a big laugh about it.

"Mommy, he'd be there just talking and then I'd jump on him and WHAM I'd fart him.

And they'd start laughing like two old hens in a coop.

"Ughh, that sounds like fun guys, but Ima put the girls to bed. You gonna be long Bobby?'

I think this was too much information for my wife.

"No hon, I'll just be a while. Seems like these two think getting farted on is the years comedy winner."

Funny how I ended up calling my wife hon and Gaby called her husband hon. Sort of like a lukewarm version of baby or babe.

As I turned back to the two remaining women in my life that molded who I became, they were lost in laughter as Gaby was describing all the different techniques she employed in the art of farting me.