Cape May

Brown Sugar

It was almost the end of summer, and in two weeks I would be leaving for Tampa. As the time grew closer Gaby would break into little bouts of spontaneous crying. I too felt a sadness creeping up on me as we counted the days.

It was the second Friday of August and mommy and grandma were in their fourth week of their six-week Friday church thing. So that Friday evening, as we're sitting in my bed, Gaby is just getting over one of her little crying sessions.

"Bobby?"

"Yeah, Gaby,'

"Promise me you won't forget me. Promise me I'll still be yours, no matter what, forever and ever."

Then she starts crying stronger, which she has been doing for the past few days.

"Gaby. I'm not going to forget you. As a matter of fact I want you to come visit and stay with me whenever there's a holiday. I love you Gaby. I'll never forget you. Look at me." I reached out with one hand and lifted her chin. As always we were sitting on my bed facing each other lotus style.

"Monica Gabriela Maldonado, my little pain in the ass, the one I wished I could strangle at least five times a day. I promise to never forget you, to love you forever and ever and you are my woman always, even if you do have snot coming out your nose."

She chortled as she tried to suppress a laugh. Then composing herself, grabbed at my t-shirt and cleaned her nose.

"Hey!" I protested

"It's only snot and you said you loved me so you should be willing to lick my snot off my nose."

My Gaby, she'll never change.

'Bobby, u're gonna be in college with all those beautiful college girls and you're gonna forget about me. All those girls want to do is have sex Bobby. I know what happens in college."

She starts her crying again.

"I love you Bobby. I don't think I can take it if you don't love me anymore."

She puts her head down and begins crying in earnest.

Gaby had taken me by surprise. She was always the tomboy, tough and adventurous. She was the one who did crazy things, almost getting us caught on several occasions. She was one of those persons, I realized, who unlike me, relished living life on the edge. People like that are usually tough, independent and avid risk takers. I saw her like that. I thought, when our relationship started, that I would be the sappy one, like a love-struck puppy, always after her, vying for her attention every minute. That she would be the strong one and I, the one more desperate for her love. And in a way I was, but it was her behavior that caught me off guard. She became very dependent on my love for her. I realized after a few months that she would crumble and be destroyed if I took my love away. She was very needy for my attention. She would always ask me if I loved her, if what we had was for real, If I meant what I said, or to put it in her words, 'was I just saying it. if I would love her forever and ever.

She became the weak one in the relationship and by that I mean she would totally, utterly be destroyed if what we had were ever taken away. I never thought what would happen to me if she took her love away. I just assumed we would love each other forever, although I do remember how distraught I got when we returned from Cape May after our first time kissing and she withdrew from me. I never wanted to experience that again.

She surprised me because I always remembered her as the tough one. The one picking fights with boys. The one who could climb a tree faster than anybody in the neighborhood. The one who always had the scrapes on her knees. She was the one who would roll down the hill first, never afraid, always the brazen one. And so her dependency on our relationship did come as quite a surprise.