Cape May

The Promise

"What time is John's flight tomorrow?" I asked in a vain attempt at escaping the nostalgia that had enveloped me, and the accompanying sadness that came with it.

"It leaves at 11:40am." What time is Holly leaving with the girls?"

"She wants to be home by noon. Got some business stuff she wants to prepare for Monday."

Holly, like Gaby, was a lawyer, but unlike Gaby did not see fit to staying home to take care of the girls when we could very well afford a nanny. I looked at my watch. It was seven thirty. Funny how I thought it was much later.

We walked slowly in silence, then she absent-mindedly commented on what a wonderful job mommy did with the garden. She was right, you could walk through it for an hour and not pass through the same place twice. Again, we fell into silence, which was suddenly broken when she abruptly turned to me putting her hand lightly on my arm causing me to stop with her.

"Bobby, you remember what you promised me?"

I thought deeply for I had promised her many things, but suddenly one stood out in my head."

"You remember?" she insisted.

Still I paused because the words that came back to me and the memory of it, suddenly caused a lump in my throat causing me to cough.

"You mean...... how I promised to be yours for always and always, cross my heart and hope to die. That no matter what happens, and it don't matter that you're my sister cause you're my true love and always will be."

As I spoke, repeating the words verbatim as I had that night so long ago, as I held her in my arms as we lay in my bed in my mother's house, the gates of my long closed heart opened, and all the suppressed feelings that I tried to hide over the years came surging forth like a giant tidal wave and the tears began flowing freely from my eyes.

"That no matter," I stuttered through the tears, "no matter where you are I will always be there to take care of you, to watch over you, to love you," I managed to say though my throat was choking, 'because you are and always will be my miracle girl, my miracle Gaby."

We stood there in the dim light of the garden looking at each other in awe, for I don't think any of us thought that that would happen. The tears flowed from her eyes, falling on her silk blouse, leaving tracks of wetness in their wake. Tears that told a story, a story of wasted years, a story of unbounded happiness and unbounded sorrow. A story of a love that could never be, a love that should never have been and yet it was. A love so strong we thought it could survive anything. And yet, apparently it did not, for life and reality finally got in the way.

I took her hand in mine and suddenly we were kids again, our love coursing through our bodies, through my hand into hers, from hers into mine. It was not the alcohol that made me step forward, forward, towards that that for years I knew was mine. That, which I suddenly realized I missed, missed more than life itself, I leaned forward. She stood, mesmerized by the moment.

Suddenly, there came a voice. Bobby, Gabby, you guys out there?

Her voice traveled through the night like a knife finding its mark. I stepped back as I heard her coming closer.

"Bobby, Gabby, there you are. We're about to start a monopoly game. Come on join us. Gabby, you remember how angry you would get when you didn't win, Well, now that you're a big shot lawyer, maybe you learned something. Come on, show us what you got, we're all waiting."

Mommy stepped in between us and took Gabby's hand.

"Come on, you remember how you loved to play Monopoly. Well aunt Sylvia's there with uncle Robby, Jack DePaula is there. You remember Jack don't you Bobby?"

She kept talking and running off who was still there as she led us through the maze of bushes and trees that made up the backyard and herded us towards the house.

Suddenly I felt as if all the juice had been drained out of me. My knees almost buckled at the weakness that engulfed me. I had to hold on to the back of a bench to prevent from falling. What I was about to do just hit me and I needed a few minutes to regain my composure.

"You alright Bobby?" my mother asked. You look like you just seen a ghost. Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!"

She laughed a little too loud and I realized she had more to drink since the last time she was out in the garden.

Gaby, I could tell, also needed to compose herself.

"Mommy, we'll be right in. I just need a little air. It's just been a long day and me and Bobby were reminiscing. Takes a lot out of you."

"Well good, good just come inside, see if a good game of monopoly puts some spunk into you."

She let go of me and Gabby walked in front of us, leading the way. I couldn't help but notice her swaying a bit this way and that.

I suddenly realized I needed another drink.