To The Moon and Back (A Marvel Fanfiction)

#21 Pretending and Imagining

The days are long and the nights are calm. The family is hanging out in the living room, I'm playing with Lila on the floor as the sun sets. She already had her bath, so she's in a little nightgown. We're "pretending" with her toys. I used to be good at pretending, but I'm not so good at her type of pretending.

"No, you're the sister who can dance!" She says to me, throwing her hands up in the air with the tiny animals clutched in them.

"I thought you were the sister." I say, tipping my head to the side.

"Yes, the sister who can sing!" She says.

I look to where Natasha sits on the couch with Laura and the redhead shrugs her shoulders.

I used to be able to pretend. Vulcan and I would pretend al the time, to be lying in a sunshine meadow and watching the clouds go by as we lazily fall asleep. I would pretend I was safe with my happy family and with my mother. I would pretend she was like me and I wasn't a monster and she loved me and they didn't do anymore experiments on us. Vulcan and I would spin elaborate tales of forests and secret civilizations that we could run away to where no one would find us. I used to imagine the woman from my dreams, I used to imagine running away to her. I used to imagine that she would come and save me. She never did. She was just a dream.

"Time to go to bed." Says Laura.

"Nooo." Lila frowns.

"Come on sweetheart." Clint walks over to Lila.

"Clean up the toys." He starts picking things up.

"Okay." Lila pouts.

"We can play again tomorrow." I don't really know how to interact with kids but I'm doing my best. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

"Really?" Lila's face lights up. She sidles up to me and wraps her arms around my neck and lays her head on me. Oof.

Clint immediately makes worried eye contact with me but I mouth "it's okay" and he nods and his expression softens.

She's heavier than expected, but it's truly okay. She's warm and I have had a feeling around her for awhile, the feeling to...protect.

Also, I've noticed another strange thing. The old memories with the horse in the lab are fading. Now, whenever someone mentions a horse I think about today, and Coconut. Maybe that's the secret. Maybe I have to make new, good, memories over the bad ones and they'll start to go away.

Lila lets go and runs over to her father, she raises her arms up as high as they will go and her scoops her up. She squeals with delight and he smiles. "Let's go kiddo."

I yawn.

Laura gets up and takes the baby, I hop up on the couch next to Natasha and rest my head on her shoulder.

"Good day?" She asks.

"Good day." I respond.

"Still don't need to shift or anything?" She asks.

"No." I lie.

Something inside of me is itching to get out. I'm itching to go back. I suppress it though, because with my wings, in my werewolf, I don't feel human. I just feel like a lab experiment. And I don't want that, I want to be normal.

Natasha nods. "Okay then. Just tell me if you need to."

"I will." I say.

We go up to the room and take our showers. I go first and then while Natasha is showering I look out the window. The night sky is vast and glittering with stars. I sigh. Beautiful. I touch the window and feel the coolness of it. I stare at the unmoving night until Natasha returns.