Catch My Breath

Knee Deep In My Heart

I realised I had that I already had a chapter called 'Everthing to me' so had to change the title of one. 

A few months had past and something was wrong with Nicky, his chemo was going well but I had a feeling he was keeping something from us. I was out with Ryan, Isacc and Hunter, Shane took JJ to his parents as Nicky wasnt feeling well. Nicky sat down with a pad and a pen and started to write a letter to Shane.

'My darlin Shane, I'm sat here writing this letter, its not a letter that I want to write but I have been feeling like this for a while but we've been so happy with JJ, I didnt want to tell you. I will always love you, but I feel like I'm taking your life away, you always have to look after me when ever I have a bad spell after my chemo sesssion. I kno we we have our wonderful son. You know I'm not good with telling people how I feel. I love you so much and I love our son so much and of cours Isacc and Hunter but at this moment I cant be here, I'm gonna go and stay with Uncle James and his boyfriend in Ireland. Just remeber this I will always love you' Nicky finshed writing the letter and left, he had tears pouring down his face but he felt like he had to do this. 

We all arrived home and noticed Nicky wasnt there. 

"HONEY!" Shane shouted, no reply, I walked over to the kitchen table and found the letter to Shane. I walked over to Shane with the letter in my hand and handed it to him, Shane opened it and read it. He started to cry. 

"You okay?" I asked 

"I need to go" Shane said and left, he got into his car and drove to the airport as quick as he could, he arrived, got out of his car and ran into the airport, he fell over in the process, he got up and brushed himself off, he ran to the termial and found Nicky sitting down, he ran over to him. 

"Hon?" Shane said, Nicky looked up at Shane, Shane wiped the tears from Nicky's check. 

"Shane, please...I need to do this for you" Nicky said 

"What are you talking about?" Shane said 

"I need to get away so you can live the life you want to live" Nicky said 

"I am, I'm living my life with you and JJ thats my life" Shane said 

"Your looking after me" Nicky said 

"Your my husband, I'm suposed to" Shane said 

"When ever I have a bad spell after my chemo, you stay up all night with me, you shouldnt do that you should be sleeping, not looking after me" Nicky said

"I dont care about sleep, all I care about is you and JJ, you are my life and if you go then I have nothing" Shane said 

"You'll have JJ, Isacc, Hunter, Ryan, Mark, Kian and Sophie, you dont need me" Nicky said 

"I do, because your everything to me and aren't we supose to be having another baby?" Shane said 

"You know I do but how can I when I'm feeling like this?" Nicky said 

"Look, just come home and we will talk about it and get you help" Shane said 

"Say if what I'm feeling doesnt go?" Nicky said 

"It will as you will have whole support net work around you, please don't do this, I love you" Shane said 

"Shay, I just" Nicky went to say but Shane gave him a kiss. 

"You always know how to make me shut up and smile" Nicky said 

"Well we have been together for 6 years" Shane said