Catch My Breath

I'll See You Again.

Its been a few months since Jamie's death and I haven't been coping with it, I've been pushing everyone I love away. Due to the stress of loosing Jamie, I lost Shane and Nicky's baby. I felt so bad, but they knew it wasn't my fault. 

 It was the day of Jamie's funeral,  I was some what prepared, I knew that it was going to be a hard day but I had to go. After a long wait we finally found out how Jamie died, he was poisoned. I was confused on how, but then I realised that when I took Jamie to see Harry, he was fumbling about in his pocket, he must have put something in his drink. I mentioned this to the police and they investigated and extended Harry's time in prison. He wanted to go to Jamie's funeral but I refused to let him come.  

"You ready love" Danny asked me

"No, but I need to do this" I said 

"You sure you okay with this?" I asked 

"Yes, we want to be there for you, we can postpone our holiday, this is more important" Nicky said 

"Thank you and I'm so sorry" I said 

"Sorry for what?" Shane asked 

"Pushing you all away from me and for loosing your baby, I know how much you wanted a baby " I said 

"You were....are grieving....and its wasn't your fault, it will happen for us," Nicky said 

"Look, Harry is where he belongs and that's where he's going to stay" Danny said 

"I know but I just can't believe he did that.....he killed his own son......and the police blamed me...thought I did it....all he wanted to was to get custody of his son" I said 

"He's scum" Danny said 

Shane was talking to Nicky. 

"Shall we tell her?" Nicky said 

"Tell her what?" Shane asked 

"That we wrote a song for Jamie" Nicky said 

"We should" Shane said  

I walked over to the pair, I smiled at them and gave them a hug, they hugged me back. 

"Hun, the boys and I have written a song for Jamie and we would love to sing it for you" Shane said 

"Thank you and I would love for you to sing it for me" I said 

The car arrived, it suddenly hit me that I was going to bury my son.....I shouldn't be doing this. I burst out in tears. 

We arrived at the church, I got out of the car, Danny held my hand and we walked up to everyone else. 

I saw Kian and Mark, I walked up to them and hugged them. 

"We are so sorry for your loss, Jamie was the loveliest little boy" Kian said 

"Thank you" I said 

Shane and Nicky walked up to us hand in hand. Danny then followed. 

Then it was time for Jamie to be brought in to the church. Danny was helping. 

I walked in with Shane and Nicky, I started to cry, the coffin was so small. 

We all went in and sat down and the vicar began to talk. 

After the vicar said his part it was now my turn to say my farewell to Jamie, Danny gave my hand a kiss and I stood up.

"Here I stand in front of you today to say goodbye to my beautiful baby boy Jamie Wolfe Filan. Saying goodbye is going to be the hardest things I have ever had to do. Jamie was one of the most sweetest boys you could ever meet. I can't believe that I am here saying goodbye. A mother shouldn't be saying goodbye to her child....." I started to cry, Danny looked and came running over and finished the speech for me.