In The Dark

Chapter 39

*don't cry love*

~ Jocelyn's P.O.V. ~

Numb. That's all I can feel. Just numb. I never thought I was going to have an abusive mother, but sadly I've gotten used to the fact that it has happened to me. That I got stuck with her.

And to a certain extent. I didn't care that she beat me. Because she didn't hurt anyone else in the process. Ever.

But now Connor. Oh Connor. She killed him. She did this to him. And she ran. I can't believe what she's done to me. How could anyone be so cruel. Mess with me. I don't care. But mess with my friends.

That will never be acceptable. Not by me. I've had it with her lies. And her harmful words and actions.

I'm just done. I won't put up with it anymore. I won't hide. I'll fight back if it's the last thing I do.

"Lynn?" Louis mumbles, the words falling cold from his lips. We've been lying together. Just staring at the ceiling. Thinking.

"Yes Lou," I mumble back. I wish I were interested in what he had to say. But I can't be anything right now. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy. I can't feel a thing.

"I love you."

"You can't possibly love me as much as I love you," I wrap my arms around his neck and lay my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes. I try to imagine what it'd be like without my mom.

Or what if I had a different mom. One who cared.

"I'm so glad that I'm with you once again," he says, his eyes full of pain and sorrow. It makes me want to comfort him. But if I do, I'll break. And I can't do that to him nor myself.

"Me too," I hum the words. He caresses my cheek with his thumb, and I start to feel once again.

But I feel sadness. Which is exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want it to hurt. But Connor was there with me throughout the whole thing.

I love the boys and girls, but Connor. I've known him my whole life and now he's gone. She took him from me. And I will despise her for the rest of my life.

"Don't cry love," Louis whispers in my ear. I hadn't even noticed the tears falling from eyes.

His voice had kept me sane and breathing. I loved him so much for that.

"I love you. I love you." I kept repeating those three words over and over. I thought that if maybe, I kept repeating them. Connor would sit up and tell me that he loved me too.

But he didn't.

Louis hummed a familiar tune in my ear. Rocking my back and forth in his arms. His tears fall onto my hair as he cries with me.

"Jocelyn, baby," I hear Niall's voice. God, I'm going crazy. This is going to be the end of me isn't it. Isn't it?!

I grab my hair in my hands, my eyes are wild. I scream and scream. My voice aches from the strain. But I can't stop the noise that comes from my vocal chords.

I see Niall, his entire body glowing as he runs up to me. Louis' warmth from behind me disappears and I become afraid.

Until I'm in Niall's arms once again. The noise my voice makes instantly stops at his touch. My eyes close. And I grab his shoulders as my head falls onto his chest.

He embraces me tightly and peels me off of the floor, and he takes me away from Connor's body.

"CONNOR," I yell as we exit the room. I want to hear him answer. I need to hear his voice.

"I love you," the sound of Connor's voice runs through my body and sends shivers up and down my spine.

okay, so i'm putting this up early because I'm so excited for this chapter, and it was very hard to write because it had me crying half-way through. I hope you guys enjoy!