In The Dark

Chapter 5

~ Jocelyn's P.O.V. ~

"Jocelyn, are you okay?" Louis asked me through the phone. I had tears streaming down my face. I didn't even realize I had started crying. I hate my life, I really do. I can't be fixed. I have too many broken pieces to be put together.

"Yeah I'm okay. I think I should go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning if your up when I get there." I tell him with a small yawn. Louis lets out a stifled laugh and says goodnight. I hang up and set my iPhone on my bed stand. I quickly change into my pajamas and put my hair in a messy bun.

I wake up in sweat and tears. I dreamed that my mother had found me and she took me into a dark forest and killed me in front of Liam, Louis, Niall, Zayn, and Harry. It scared the hell out of me. I look at the time. Shit. It's 10:00. Niall's appointment is in thirty minutes.

I grab my purse and quickly change into clothes. I run into my bathroom, brush through my hair, and put it into a French braid. I then grab my makeup and quickly put on eyeliner and one coat of mascara. I check the time again. 10:10. That was good time.

I run out of my apartment and down the hall. I knock on the boys' door. Harry answers in only his boxers. My eyes widen.

"Woah! Harry put some pants on!" I scream. He laughs and walks into his bedroom. I walk in and close the door behind me. I walk into the kitchen to see Liam and Niall eating breakfast. Niall looks really tired. I walk over to them and take a seat next to Niall. I touch his shoulder and he turns to me. He jumps off the chair in freight and falls over. I laugh so hard I start crying. He gets up and gives me a playful scowl.

"I didn't know you were here." He simply stated. I laughed again.

"You didn't hear or see Harry answer the door and let me in?" I question. He looks confused. Then his eyes light up.

"What?! No! Oh my God I must be blind and deaf!" He yells. I cover my ears and close my eyes. I'm reminded of my mother yelling at me when I mess up.

"What did I do?" He asks gently putting two fingers under my chin and lifting up my head. His eyes were filled with concern. I sigh and move back.

"I'll explain in the car." I quickly say and head to the door. He nods and says goodbye to Liam, then follows me to my car.

He looks at me as we get in the car. He looks nervous. I start the car and look at him. "So what happened back there?" He asked me.

"I've never told you about my mom." I said as I put the car in gear. "She abused me after my father left us. She took the anger out on me, she said he left because of me. I know he didn't leave because of me, but sometimes she made me believe it. I could never leave her because I wasn't an adult. She would've called the cops to get me back. She can still do it, but now I'm an adult do they can make me move back in. Your the first person I ever told about her. I've been very insecure about the whole thing. I really hate my mother. She used to be a sweet and caring, but she turned into a monster. I really miss my old mother. But I don't think I could ever get her back. If she turns back to me I don't think I could ever fully love her the way I did before. I loved her so much. Now I'm just filled with hatred when I think of her. I can't ever trust her. Ever." I said. Tears were falling down my face. I still drove, fast. I ran through red lights and honked at slow-moving cars. I cried and cried.

Niall looked scared. "Jocelyn! Stop the car!" He yelled. I obeyed and pulled over to the side of the road. He opens his arms to me and I climb over the passenger seat and let him hold me as tears stream down my face. He takes his hands to move my face to his. He slowly moves toward me. What is he doing? He moves in closer and closer. Until finally his lips touch mine. I kiss back. Then I realise, what am I doing? I quickly pull away.

"I'm sorry." I say and climb back into the drivers seat. "Let's hurry up to the hospital. Your appoint was scheduled fifteen minutes ago." I say and wipe my tears from my face. I can't believe he kissed me. We just met. I look over to him. He looks completely embarrassed, and I suddenly feel terrible. I quickly peel my eyes back to the road and drive my way to the hospital.

I help limp him into the hospital and to his scheduled room. Considering we're thirty minutes late I hardly believe anyone will still be waiting for us. I'm proved to be wrong when I see a woman sleeping in the patients chair. I slightly shake her shoulder to wake her. She jolts awake and quickly stands up. She gasps, realising Niall is finally here, but she quickly composes herself. She smiles and motions for him to sit down. He takes a seat next to me.

"So what happened?" The nurse asks Niall.

"We were playing with our nurf guns outside and I tripped over a stick and landed on my knee. It hurts pretty bad so I've been trying not to put too much pressure on it." He explains. The nurse nods, writing down notes on her paper.

"I'll send in your doctor and we'll run some X-rays on your knee to check if anything is fractured or broken." She states. Niall and I nod our head and she walks to the door. She's about to leave, but she stops and turns back to us. "My daughter is a huge fan of One Direction. Would you mind signing this paper?"

Niall quickly stands up and signs the paper. "Tell her I said hi." Niall smiles. She leaves us alone. Niall takes his seat next to me and sighs. I look over to him and smile.

"So umm-" I stutter. "What was that? Back in the car?" I mumble quickly. He turns toward me.

"I really like you Jocelyn. I know we just met and it's fast, but I do. I won't try anything though, I promise." He assures me. I take a deep breath and slowly breathe out.

"Thanks. I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship, not yet at least." I say. He nods his head and smiles. The doctor walks in and waves his hand.

"Come this way." He instructs. Niall gets up and hobbles behind the doctor. I follow close behind. We X-Ray his leg and the doctor sees a fracture.

"You'll need to wear crutches for six weeks." The doctor informs us. We take his crutches and head back home.

I drop him off at his apartment with the rest of the boys.

"Thanks for taking me today." Niall says with a smile. I smile back.

"Of course. I'm always here." I state. He kisses my cheek and opens the passenger door. He heads up to the door of the apartment and turns around. He waves and heads inside.

I can't believe that boy likes someone like me. Someone so ugly and insecure. I hate my life. Because of my mom I'm an insecure baby needed to be cuddled, needed to be held and protected. I hate my mother.