HIBISCUS | Bang Chan of Stray Kids

Track 19

"When the dark night makes everyone sleep, when they fall asleep. I can't sleep because of so many thoughts."

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Track 19

          Hwayoung quenched her thirst with the remaining liquid, setting the cup in the sink before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, "No, not at all. I haven't been able to fall asleep, must be something about sleeping in another place overnight that's not my home."

          Chan nodded in understanding before looking back at his opened laptop. Chan now sat across from her at the kitchen island. Piles of papers and notebooks surrounded him as his work magically appeared from his backpack. The soft yellow from the single bulb above them illuminated his papers where musical notes and scribbles sprawled about. Hwayoung watched as he clicked a few buttons, "Do you even sleep? Or maybe you can't, because Hyunjin's snoring is too loud."

          Chan let out a short laugh and shook his head, "I have nothing against Hyunjin's sleeping habits. I'm just nocturnal, I guess."

          "Ah, I see," Hwayoung peered over to Chan's miniature piano plugged into his laptop, "You're working? Right now?"

          Chan stretched his arms over his head, raising the hemline of his shirt a little to reveal a sliver of his toned abdomen, "I usually don't sleep until pretty early in the morning, so I spend that time here, mixing and arranging. If I'm feeling lucky, sometimes I compose, but not too often since I'm missing Changbin and Jisung."

          Hwayoung nodded silently, wringing her hands together. The two awkwardly avoided eye contact by staring at any inanimate object they could find. Hwayoung searched mindlessly throughout the room for a while before casting a glance back at Chan. Half of her expected him to say something or make the first move, yet Chan remained staring at the screen of his laptop.

          The two still had not talked about what happened last night. Neither of them made any signal to mention it either, yet not talking about it bothered Hwayoung. She needed to know if he felt the same way that she felt on the rooftop. Was he really planning to kiss her or was she looking too into his kind gesture? Hwayoung looked at Chan with hopeful eyes. The uneasiness feeling in her stomach told her not to ask; however, Hwayoung decided to take the leap of faith and run into the unknown.

          "About last ni-"

          "Is th-"

          Both froze and looked at each other. Chan gestured for Hwayoung to speak first, but Hwayoung politely refused. Chan took her offer and spoke first, "I'm, uh, going to get back to work, so if you don't mind, I'll be a bit busy."

          In that moment, Hwayoung felt like she was shot in the heart. Despite her utter disappointment from missing her chance and embarrassment from spending the last two minutes ogling at Chan, Hwayoung understood and respectfully made her exit, "Yeah, no, of course. Please, continue."

          "Goodnight, Hwayoung," Chan put on his headphones before she could respond back.

          Hwayoung hesitated before turning around and heading back to her room, disappointed that she did not get to talk to Chan about their moment. Not knowing where either of them stood in the relationship killed Hwayoung with anxiety, confusion, and frustration. The logical and professional part of her told her that Chan was just being a really good friend when she needed one, yet the emotional and naive part of her was convinced that friends would not come close to kissing under the stars.