Even In The Grave, All Is Not Lost

The Line

A/N: gah, so the writing in this chapter is pretty clumsy. Felt like I was writing with worms in my brain. Sorry. The first half of this chapter just would not gel and the lack of sleep I've been having certainly didn't help. Hence why I posted it a little later than usual. Due to that, future updates will probably be around this time of the week as well. I try to give myself at least 6-8 days to fine-tune a chapter before posting.

. . .

"Life is about choices.

Some we regret, some we're proud of.

Some will haunt us forever.

The message - we are what we chose to be."

― Graham Brown

. . .

"Can I ask something now?"

"Of course."

Raven frowned, running her fingers over the keyboard as she debated whether or not this was a conversation they should really be having right now. The last thing she wanted was to start a fight - though she doubted starting a fight with Luna would be easy. "Why didn't you take the Flame? Back when we came to you on the oil rig. Why didn't you take it?"

She could understand why Luna might be repulsed by the A.I., given what she'd once been forced to do in order to receive it, but she couldn't see how that repulsion would be any match for the obvious care she had for all life. The care that kept her here now.

Not to mention, she'd told Raven that she agreed with what they did about A.L.I.E.; her dismay - and disgust - over what the A.I. was capable of doing had been on full display. She'd wanted to stop A.L.I.E. just as much as the rest of them. She certainly had as many reasons - if not more - to hate the A.I. and want her destroyed. So why didn't she take the Flame?

No-one was asking her to compete in a Conclave this time. No-one was asking her to kill.

Just to save. That was all.

So why didn't she take it?

"I mean, you could have saved everyone."

If Luna was surprised by the question, it didn't show. In fact, nothing showed. It was like looking into a deep lake, the bottom so far down the sun couldn't touch it - all Raven could see was the surface.

She shifted uneasily.

"Not everyone," Luna said after a long time. "That Flame was in my life for little more than a day and it destroyed all the peace that I'd spent years building. People died, by my hand. People I loved. Taking the Flame would only have led to more killing. It always has."

Raven opened her mouth to protest-

"Did you truly kill no-one in your quest to defeat A.L.I.E.? Were there no casualties?" Her expression was still carefully detached but the objection was firm, even as the weight of her tone remained so light it could be mistaken for a caress.

Raven closed her mouth again, hesitated. "There might have been less if we'd been able to use the Flame sooner."

They'd wasted a lot of valuable time trying to get the upper hand on A.L.I.E. without use of the second A.I. - and it had cost them dearly.

(but not nearly as dearly as what it had cost Luna to be presented with the Flame in the first place)

She didn't waver. "But still some?"

"Probably." The answer was grudging but Raven couldn't hide from it.

Luna grew silent, considering her response. Not for the first time, Raven wished she was easier to read. "It's self-serving, but I can't put myself in a place to make those decisions. Not again. I can't have any more blood on my hands." She sighed, leaning back as she uncrossed her legs, her posture becoming more fluid, though weighed down by a certain exhaustion that Raven hadn't noticed till now. As though the conversation had worn away at what little reserves she still possessed. "And once you start making those choices, it's difficult to stop. That kind of power can be. . . addictive. I didn't like who I was back when I made them. And I have no desire to become that person again."